


Amethyst and Amber

by Siriusfan13



Series: Out of Time [8]
Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Bakumatsu, Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Friendships, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25948678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siriusfan13/pseuds/Siriusfan13
Summary: OUT OF TIME prequel. Ushiro and Battousai wind up as unlikely and unwanted partners in a mission. When an unexpected mishap throws the entire mission into jeopardy, Ushiro and Battousai are forced to work together to clean up the aftermath...
Series: Out of Time [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/12173
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer/ Author's Note: I don't own Ruroken or its characters. I do, however, own the characters, Ushiro Ryu, Kano, Nozomi, and Toriyama-san (which you may borrow if you let me know), and I own the original that this fic is based on, "Out of Time." This is its prequel, set approximately 5 months before "Out of Time" and around a month after Tomoe's death...

**Amethyst and Amber**

_"In the cold of winter I found the other half of me.  
_ _An amethyst broke through the walls of silent solitude.  
_ _But we are lost in a world of despair,  
_ _So we head for the ocean; a destination unknown…"  
_ _-Draconian, "Akherousia"_

_**Prologue** _

Okami's inn had been destroyed during the chaos of the Ikedaya affair, when the Ishin shishi had been forced to scatter, and Katsura-san had gone into hiding. Many comrades were missing, either hiding or scouting or dead. No one was quite sure which. It was hell during those days.

And during all of this, the okami of the Kohagi Inn chose to rebuild, closer to the edge of town. Nearer to the bridges. A bit further from the heart of Kyoto where blood pumped through the streets as the Shinsengumi weeded out "traitors" to the government. Assassinations. Public executions. Seppuku. There were more dead than alive in Kyoto those days.

And still, she rebuilt, carefully protecting her girls. Using most of her saved money to do so. Hoping that no one would find it odd or suspicious that someone would be erecting an inn during those harsh times. Grateful that no one seemed to care.

So, when the tide turned again, and we were able to reassemble with Katsura-san within Kyoto, we had a place to stay that wouldn't arouse suspicion.

Those first few weeks back were both dangerous and frightening. We had no idea how many of us would return. Every time a comrade appeared mostly unscathed, it was another blessing to count. Everyone was to stay put for safety's sake until as many as possible were accounted for as either present, traitorous, or dead.

Which is why it was such a surprise when Katsura-san broke his own rule and disappeared for several days. None of us could understand the meaning of it until he returned one evening. Silently, he entered the inn, spoke briefly to Okami, and retreated to his room.

It was then that we saw the silent figure slip in behind him. Outwardly, he had hardly changed. The same flaming hair. The strong, sure grace of his movements. At first, only the scar on his cheek was noticeably different. A second slash now bisected the first.

Then he stepped into the light, revealing his eyes. My heart nearly stopped at the sight of them, and any relief I'd felt at his return froze within me.

His eyes were half-dead. Empty. As though someone had forcefully torn his soul out and killed it right in front of his face. It felt like the completion of a terrible change I'd been watching intensify within him with every life that he'd taken.

Over a year ago, he'd stopped responding to me, and so I had stopped trying to talk to him, recognizing that it had become a futile gesture. He was letting himself become the monster people said he was, and I could no longer get through.

A year ago... when death had stopped having any visible effect on him. When he'd first started frightening even me... because it appeared he'd forsaken his humanity for us. For our cause.

And now here he was, gliding like a haunted shadow through the room as though no one were staring. As though he'd only been gone only a single night. He said a few soft words to Okami and then disappeared down the hall.

I started breathing again when he was gone, angry at myself for acting like such a baka.

Ironically, it was only when Battousai had appeared that I finally realized what had been missing from the inn since I'd returned.

The heady scent of white plums...


	2. Chapter 1

_"A small single piece of amber was worth more than a healthy slave."  
_

* * *

**Chapter 1**

In general, Katsura-san did not raise his voice. There was no need. In the past, whenever there had been an altercation, swords were drawn, and Katsura's authority was quietly and swiftly made known.

With the arrival of Kenshin, this practice ended. I have not since seen him raise his blade. However, by this time Katsura was respected enough that it was no longer necessary.

That is why I was pretty sure, though this was supposed to be a private meeting, to which only Toriyama-san, Katsura, myself and about five others had been invited, that even Okami and her girls were privy to all we had been discussing for the past five minutes. Katsura would have to be dangerously angry to be heard even through the thin walls of the Kohagi Inn. Perhaps then, for Toriyama's sake, it was a good thing that Katsura _had_ hung up his sword.

"Why do you persist in arguing this point?" our respected leader roared at the heavy Satsuma man before him. "I don't have men to waste on an entourage for you."

Toriyama-san's reply was immediate. "We have been generously supplying weaponry to Choshu for the past three weeks," he blustered, puffing up even more, if that were possible. " _I_ have done my utmost to be sure the supply line was kept open. Surely you can spare-"

"Five men protecting one is ridiculous, Toriyama-san," Katsura responded, slamming his teacup down, and lowering his voice to a barely civil growl. "I am grateful for Okubo-san's support, but I am not going to waste men this way."

"It would be most unfortunate if Satsuma's aid ended with my death."

"Which is why I don't wish to draw undue attention to a large crowd. This isn't a military maneuver, Toriyama-san. Numbers won't aid us if the Shinsengumi find you. If that were to happen, then both of our clans would be compromised, whether or not you survived. I'm no fool. I am familiar with the fine line that Okubo-san is treading. And I am certain that he'd agree with me were he here. What you need is one or two highly skilled men. Nothing more." Without taking his eyes off of the man before him, he motioned for me to step forward.

With a sinking feeling I approached, stopping a respectful distance from the pair, and bowed.

 _Damn... I'd hoped it wouldn't be me._ Keeping my head lowered, I carefully studied Toriyama. He was fat. Not just large or sturdy, but obese. Which meant he'd be slow. He sat there literally quivering from a fear of leaving that was so strong it easily shone through his calculating eyes. _Why me?_ I wondered again. _I've done some stupid things in the past, but even_ I've _never had this large a death wish..._

My thoughts were interrupted by Katsura. "Toriyama-san," my commander began, "this is Ushiro Ryu. He will be your escort."

Toriyama looked me up and down as I bowed again. The sour expression on his face made me suspect that he was no more impressed with the arrangements than _I_ was. I only hoped I didn't have to run him any great distance. I didn't like this man or his attitude. It would be hard to motivate myself to risk my life to save him if need be.

Toriyama finally stopped staring at me, and turned back to Katsura, snorting. "What good will _he_ be if we're attacked?"

"The point, Toriyama-san, is to keep you from _being_ attacked in the first place." I honestly wasn't certain how Toriyama managed to ignore how dangerously angry he was making Katsura. Even the seasoned men in this meeting were already fidgeting from the dangerous ki that rolled off of Katsura in powerful waves. Obviously the heavier man was unable to feel it, or he'd have soiled himself by now. Instead Toriyama merely looked me up and down once more in disgust.

"Ushiro," Katsura continued slowly and quietly, "is well known among our ranks for his stealth. With him, you will be invisible."

 _How the hell am I supposed to make_ that _invisible_?

The fat man shifted his enormous bulk uncomfortably, seeming to _finally_ have noticed how flat and carefully controlled Katsura's tone of voice had become. Still, the fool tried to make demands. "If I'm to have only one, then I want your best."

"Ushiro-san _is_ one of my-"

"The demon," Toriyama spat out. "I want him. I want the one no one can kill. Battousai."

There was a soft murmur across the room, which I tried with some difficulty to ignore, instead turning my attention back to Katsura, who did not appear at all surprised by the demand. It occurred to me that this was perhaps not the first time that Toriyama had mentioned Battousai. They had, after all, been in meetings for most of yesterday, and well into the night. What I didn't understand was why he'd named Battousai at all. Only recently had the boy begun taking protection missions over assassinations, something none of us really understood. How had Toriyama heard of him already? Was Kenshin's skill with the sword spreading so quickly?

I turned back to look at the small redhead who stood in the shadows near the door, just outside the reach of the sputtering lantern's light. The same boy who had been rudely bumped aside when this fat ogre had pushed his way into the room an hour ago at the start of the meeting.

And it suddenly occurred to me that Toriyama had no idea who Battousai was. He was probably expecting some giant. Some true demon with red eyes and a flaming sword. As though such men existed in the real world. Not this child with his empty eyes and careful distance.

And I realized at that moment, that Katsura was aware of this as well. I watched as Kenshin was motioned forward. Watched as he came up beside me and bowed low, his expression hidden behind a fringe of long red hair. Toriyama's dim eyes flickered from Kenshin to myself to Katsura and back to Kenshin again.

"Himura-san," Katsura said in his now deadly-soft voice, "Toriyama-san has requested your services. Do you accept?" His eyes were still locked on Toriyama, who was red-faced and quivering from anger now. Amazing how I was already learning to translate his various forms of trembling...

"What is the meaning of this... this...?" The man struggled to stand in his rage, while motioning to the youth before him, but his bulk slowed him. He grunted as he finally managed to rise to his feet. "I ask for Battousai and you offer me some little boy? Okubo-san will hear of this! This is an insult! An outrage!"

Kenshin raised his face to Toriyama's, his blank eyes narrowing in less than a moment to deadly amber. We could all feel the fringe of the powerful ki, though the brunt of it seemed to be surging in Toriyama's direction. Even Katsura-san flinched slightly as he brought up his teacup, and took a sip.

Toriyama dropped back to his knees, his face gone slack from fear. I was pretty sure that this time that the man would need to change his clothes after this meeting. His mouth worked as though he wanted to speak. His hands were slightly upraised as though protecting himself from something.

With the exception of those that slight raise of his head. Those deadly eyes and that powerful ki, Kenshin had hardly moved.

Finally the youth replied softly, "I will deliver him."

No protests this time, I noticed. I tried to stifle my relief. If Kenshin was taking the job, then I was off the hook. That was _something_ at least.

I bowed once more, ready to back off when Katsura spoke again. "It's settled then. Himura-san and Ushiro-san will be your escorts. I expect that will be all."

Toriyama was still speechless. For once, our feelings were mutual.

Our commander nodded briefly to him, and rose to his feet. "I will leave you to collect your thoughts. You will be escorted home tomorrow evening. Good night, Toriyama-san." With those words, Katsura-san bowed once, turned, and exited the room.

The only one who seemed more surprised than I by this simple announcement was Kenshin.

* * *

An hour later, I sat out on the engawa considering the situation I'd had so graciously placed before me. Although I wasn't happy with having to transport Toriyama anywhere, I supposed I could have managed it without too much trouble. If the fool had kept his mouth shut, there would have been no problems. No complaints.

But Toriyama _had_ spoken up, and nothing would change that now. I sighed, staring off into space. Ignoring how the sun's slanting rays illuminated the trees and darkened the shadows, something I usually appreciated. My thoughts were elsewhere.

Now I would be paired with Kenshin... with Battousai-san. Even a year ago, when the light had begun dying from his eyes, I wouldn't have minded. Even then, he'd still respond politely when communication was required. Would still make eye contact. Now he was stone, and it made me uncomfortable to say the least. Something had happened to him in the time we were scattered.

I'd tried to put it out of mind, turning my attention warily to Kano as he came up from behind, clapping me on the shoulder.

Of course Kano had been no help when I'd spoken with him after the meeting. I didn't particularly want to talk with him now. As hitokiri Shishio's clean-up man, one would think he'd have been more understanding...

I stood, shrugging him off, and walked back into the inn, hoping Kano would take the hint. He didn't, and I really wasn't surprised. A few men were loitering around in the hall, talking to each other or flirting with the girls. Kano followed me like a shadow as I tried to busy myself with searching for Kenshin. He was nowhere to be found. I'd noticed that whenever Kano was around, Kenshin left. I'm not sure why exactly. Kenshin and I'izuka, Kano's predecessor, had been pretty close... And it wasn't as though Kano was imposing. He was short and strong, but clumsy. There was nothing intimidating about him, except that he was loud.

Maybe that's what Kenshin found so bothersome about him. Hell, Kano was my friend, and _I_ found him irritating at times... like now for instance.

It wasn't any of my business. Maybe he just didn't want to deal with Shishio's man. After all, Kenshin had been doing a good enough job avoiding Shishio himself... I tried once again to put him out of my mind, forced to admit defeat and left with no real excuse not to talk with my irritating friend. I sighed and glanced back at him. "What is it, Kano? More cheerful words of advice?"

He was grinning. "Try not to get yourself killed," he commented brightly. Ever the optimist, Kano.

I snorted in disgust, and began walking back through the inn to the engawa. "That's the point of Battousai-san coming," I muttered. "He's supposed to protect us if someone tries to kill us. Or were you not listening?"

Kano shook his head, falling into step beside me, the smile fading as his eyes grew concerned. "I actually meant to make sure _Battousai-san_ isn't the death of you."

At those words I froze, ignoring the one or two men who nearly bumped into me at my sudden stop. "He isn't like that," I snapped. "He's just a kid. Talented, but not a murderer."

"He's a hitokiri," Kano replied shortly. "He _was_ just a kid, but that was the past. Don't try to tell me that you haven't seen the changes in him. Have you _looked_ at his eyes? Have you _seen_ the way he avoids contact?"

"He's been hurt. Okami has been-"

"No." Kano's voice was flat. "He may have been hurt, but that isn't the problem. He's been broken. His eyes are dead. Not hurt or wounded. _Dead_. You _know_ that. You can see it, too. He's given up his soul. He's just a shell now. The bloodlust will take over, and that will be that." He snapped his fingers as if to show just how simple it all was. Kano, who never once had spoken of Battousai before this, stared hard into my eyes. His expression was troubled. "He's lost, Ryu. He never survived whatever happened while we were scattered. He _died_ back there, and Katsura-san brought us back the body. Nothing more."

"No," I snarled. I don't know why I was so defensive of the boy. But it hurt me to think that Kano might be right. Hurt me that the man was speaking reason. And so I argued his reason with irrational anger..."It isn't true! He still fights for his cause. He's still in there! He's just hurt. Just give him _time_!" My voice was a low growl. I was dimly aware of how strange and irrational this anger was for me. How long it had been since I'd let my temper take over. But at the moment, I didn't care. _I_ had helped train the boy when he'd first joined us. _I'd_ watched his kata, spoken with him about it and seen his love for life. His passion. He was unique, and I'd be _damned_ if I was going to just give up on him like that... He couldn't be lost.

He couldn't... could he?

My heart rebelled, but reason was struggling to take over. I had seen the changes, although I didn't want to admit it. There were reasons I hadn't spoken to Kenshin in weeks. My shoulders slumped, and my voice dropped as my heart spoke one last plea. "Give him time..."

Kano had simply nodded, finally understanding and backing off. "Fine. I'll give him time." He turned to walk away, leaving me out by the front door. "Just promise me you'll be careful... just in case." He glanced back, and I nodded shortly.

It was enough for him, and he'd walked away, leaving me standing helplessly in the doorway with no company but my warring heart and mind. _Is he lost to us?_

I hoped to god he wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: This chapter is my rather belated birthday gift to lolo popoki. I hope she likes it.
> 
> And a special thanks to lolo popoki and seub262 and FrostPhoenix for their invaluable beta work!
> 
> And to the readers, as always, thanks for reading. Please review!
> 
> Dewa mata!


	3. Chapter 2

_"...the amethyst not only had a firm niche in medicine; it was also esteemed as a stone of friendship."  
.org_

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Kano may be one of my friends, but sometimes I could just kill him. After speaking with him about this mission, I wasn't able to focus on anything except how much Kenshin had changed. This was problematic. First of all, on any mission, I have to be able to trust my partner with my life... especially if that partner is supposed to be my protector. Secondly, I couldn't do this run at all if I couldn't focus. I was the stealth. Stealth requires concentration.

It was going to be hard enough trying to hide that whale in the shadows _without_ having to worry about Kenshin as well.

I sighed, trudging slowly down the halls toward the meeting room. I was hoping to catch Katsura and convince him that I could run Toriyama out of Kyoto alone. Of course, since I wanted as few people to know as possible, I found it impossible to slip through the other soldiers unnoticed.

After being forced to stop and talk to no less than five different men (excluding Kano and Kenshin, luckily), I turned the corner to the long hallway that ended in Katsura's meeting room. This hall was blessedly clear of people.

However, apparently I wasn't the only one who'd planned to speak with Katsura. I could hear them through the door, even with Kenshin speaking in his typical, soft voice. I shouldn't have listened, but I couldn't help myself. I stood in the shadows beside the door, hoping no one would notice.

"Katsura-san." His voice was low and even. I don't think I've ever heard Kenshin speak louder than this. His voice was like a steady rain. Soothing, somehow, but you could never tell if it was bringing a storm. "I can run him alone. Ushiro-san does not need to be included in this. We will be fine."

There was a pause. I could imagine Katsura quietly sipping his tea and considering the offer. Placing his cup down. Nodding his assent. If Kenshin said it was fine, Katsura would likely agree. There was no need to send me.

So, as I was about to turn away, I was surprised by his next words. "No, Himura. You are my sword, but you were a drawn sword for too long. I made a mistake when I sent you to Otsu. I acknowledge that. And I accepted your desire to no longer be a hitokiri. Just as I can accept your wish to openly protect us. But you need to understand my position. There is no question of your ability as an assassin. I have hardly tested you as a protector."

"You no longer trust me."

There was a controlled edge to Katsura's response. Even from outside the room I could tell that he didn't like this conversation. "I won't lie to you. No. Through no fault of your own... No. I cannot trust you. Prove to me that you are whole."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If Katsura didn't trust him... Did Kano know this? I swear that man has ears everywhere...

"If I am not, then you are risking Toriyama-san's life."

"I am."

"And Ushiro-san."

"Should I be worried, Himura?"

Another long pause. I strained to hear, as the answer was something _I'd_ like to know as well!

"Yes." It was barely a whisper, but I shuddered to hear it. "You should worry, Katsura-san. I am worried. That is why... He should not come, Katsura-san. Let me run Toriyama-san alone."

"No. I've already made myself clear on that. You and Ushiro-san will escort Toriyama-san tonight, one hour after sunset. Prove yourself and perhaps this will not be necessary next time... _Perhaps_." He stressed that point. Kenshin wasn't being given any opening. This conversation was like one of Katsura's old duels, only Kenshin was sorely unprepared to do battle. So was I, for that matter, I realized suddenly. A throat was cleared, and Katsura spoke again, calmly, as though nothing were wrong. "Is there anything else, Himura?"

"No."

"Then you may leave."

 _Kuso!_ I barely had time to duck into a nearby room. Thank God no one was nearby to watch. Thank God Kenshin was too preoccupied to sense anything amiss... or at very least, too tactful to say anything. He just walked by as though nothing were wrong.

I gave him a minute to round the corner before I carefully slipped out of the room. I didn't expect Katsura's door to still be open. I certainly didn't expect him to see me.

I didn't even realize it until I started to slip away and heard his voice call out softly, sternly. "Ushiro-san. A word, please."

So much for being our stealth...

I froze, humiliated... feeling like a child who had been caught eavesdropping on grown-up talk. Trying not to let my embarrassment show, I turned and entered the room, closing the door behind me.

"Sit, please."

"Yes," I whispered, expecting rebuke. I knelt before him and bowed my head briefly, refusing to make eye contact. The room was lit by the pale light streaming through the partially open window. I tried to focus on that. On the glimpse of trees just outside. _Freedom..._

"I expect you heard everything, Ushiro-san?" It wasn't really a question. Still, he waited for my answer.

I nodded. "Yes."

"Good." At this, I turned sharply to meet his own steady gaze. He smiled at my surprise, and by way of explanation said simply, "It saves me having to repeat. Tell me, Ushiro-san, what did you make of our conversation?"

Still shaken by the fact that it was _good_ that I had listened in, I tried to find the most tactful way to sum up my understanding. I shouldn't try to think when I'm nervous. I wind up sounding like Kano. Simple, blunt... mostly simple.

"You don't trust Himura-san to run the mission on his own. He is possibly too unbalanced. Too... dangerous."

Katsura smiled, but it was a sad smile. His eyes were dark. "You understand what I believe Himura-san understands, which, unfortunately, is not much of the situation. However, we are only able to accept what we are willing to believe. Hopefully you are more willing to listen than he."

I nodded. Expecting a quick explanation.

Instead Katsura stood and walked to a chest on the opposite side of the room. I watched in fascination as he pulled from the chest his old blade. He knelt again, carefully placing it on the table between us. It was still sheathed.

Katsura motioned to the katana. "This blade is very much like Himura-san. It is his predecessor, just as he is hitokiri Shishio's predecessor."

I must have looked confused, because he smiled faintly before continuing. "Once, before he came, I used this katana to solve problems. It was used only when needed, and this was good. Moderation was good. But, there comes a time in the lives of all swords that a choice must be made. This decides its fate. If the sword is overused, never cared for or sheathed, the blade will rust, or the blood will eat away at it, and the sword will be ruined. Destroyed by the blood that brought it fame. Do you understand this?"

I nodded. This was common knowledge for anyone who used a sword. I didn't see what this had to do with Kenshin, though.

But Katsura wasn't done. "Some people don't understand this, and they simply destroy the sword when it is of no further use. Others know to clean and sheath the blade. To care for it, so that it can continue to function for a long, full life. Still others, like myself, wind up in a position where the sword must be put away."

His expression grew dark. "What I am trying to determine is what will happen to my sword. I was careless with it at first, and did not think to care for its well-being for a long time. When I finally did try to sheath it, I fear my protection was too little, too late. I have used it a few times since to test it. It seems functional, but that is not enough. I want it to shine again. So, now comes its true test. If it breaks, Satsuma will devour it. They've warned of this in the past." He sighed. "And I have agreed to this... But _only_ if the blood has destroyed it."

I was starting to catch on, and was not liking what I heard... Kenshin was Katsura's sword... and Satsuma... "Okubo-san?" I asked, worried.

Katsura would not answer, instead raising his hand to silence me. "This particular sword, however, I think, will not break. Though that is what Kenshin believes I worry most about. That he will give in to the bloodlust. I know better. He is no ordinary sword. And, though he was drawn for far too long, he has been sheathed. My worry is that he will no longer be able to kill when the time comes." Katsura fingered the intricate sheath of his own, long unused blade. "I worry that when he must kill again, that he will freeze, and that it will result in his own death and the deaths of those who depend on him."

" _What?_ Then why are you even sending him?" I had no right to speak that way to my superior, but luckly Katsura didn't seem to mind.

"I need to know," he replied simply. "Anyway, Toriyama would have no other. You are my choice, so you will go. Himura is Toriyama's choice, so _he_ must go. It is as simple as that. Himura believes he is the protector, and that he is proving to me that he will not give in to bloodlust, but you know the truth now."

I nodded. _The truth. That_ I _, of all people, was Kenshin's protector in case he, for some reason, could no longer kill at all... Wonderful... We were_ all _going to die..._

"Protect him. And, if I am wrong, if he cannot help but kill for no reason, you are to tell me and Okubo-san will seal his fate. That is all, Ushiro-san. I trust you will be discrete?"

"Yes, Katsura-san." I stood, bowing stiffly, and, at my dismissal, left the room. There was nothing more to say.

But even as I walked down the busy halls, I couldn't help but think to myself, _I'll be damned if Satsuma harms him... If I am his protector, then I will protect him. Or_ I _will end it. I was his first friend here. If need be, I will be his last..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Yay! An update! To all of you, I extend a very heartfelt apology for the crap quality of this update... I hope you forgive me. And I hope you still like it anyway for what it is.
> 
> Hopefully I will update more stuff soon. Hopefully the next updates will be of higher quality once I get back in the swing of writing.
> 
> Anyway, please review. Thanks for reading.
> 
> Dewa mata!
> 
> Sirius
> 
> P.S. Many oopsies that I idiotically missed! I'm sorry about the name confusion! (bows) Takasugi's name should not have been in here. It has been corrected. Toriyama-san's name is back in place... (sweatdrops) This is what happens when I am out of action for so long!


	4. Chapter 2 and a half April Fools Parody (written by lolo popoki)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an April Fools Day joke done years ago. Lolo popoki wrote a parody chapter of my fic, Amethyst and Amber, while I wrote a parody chapter of hers, "Only the Beginning." My contribution is posted on this site as "Unchained Melody." Lolo has given me permission to post her chapter (as it is posted on fanfiction.net) at this point in the story. She wrote this chapter, not me, and it is wonderful. I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Posted on fanfiction.net and AO3 with permission of lolo popoki.

**Chapter 2 1/2-April Fool's Day Parody Chapter, written by lolo popoki (2009)**

Evening had come… unfortunately, far too quickly for my liking. I was not ready.

Studying Kenshin out of the corner of my eye, I tried to discern any hint of the uncertainty I knew he himself had to be feeling as well. Of course there was none, but that didn't help to reassure me. I knew it was merely the work of a well-worn mask.

He stood, calm and silent, vigilant to any sign of danger, while studiously ignoring the fidgeting tub of lard standing nearby.

I eyed Toriyama with distaste. I wondered – quite possibly for the hundredth time – at the seeming impossibility of this mission. Extra care would be needed to avoid any Shinsengumi patrols; recent reports indicated they had been investigating this district for a couple weeks now. For Kenshin or myself alone, this probably wouldn't be too big a deal. It would be child's play to avoid detection and sneak past the enemy. However, dragging along this onerous man was seriously a pain in the ass.

Biting back a sigh, I turned my attention back to the road ahead. Waiting for the allotted hour to pass, we had yet to step foot from the relative safety of our headquarters.

Finally, it was time. Glancing at Kenshin, I watched as he gave a slight nod in my direction.

All clear.

We crept forward, senses alert. I left the majority of the sentry-work to the former hitokiri. He would be able to sense danger coming more quickly than I could. My attention was mainly focused on making sure our charge didn't fall behind or start making too much noise; after only a few hundred meters he was already breathing hard, wheezing like an asthmatic bear.

I rolled my eyes, forcing down a groan of misery. What gods did I offend to deserve this…?

I paused as I suddenly felt a tremor under my feet. Toriyama froze like a frightened rabbit, and I could see that Kenshin had stopped as well, staring down at the ground with a faint look of puzzlement on his usually impassive face. We all stood still, waiting to see if it would happen again.

There.

Again, and again… getting stronger with each passing moment.

Earthquake? No, it seemed too regular for that.

And then there was screaming…

Faint at first, and then escalating as the ground continued to shake and shudder violently beneath our feet, the cries of panic seemed to be coming from directly in front of us. The exact route we were heading.

What the hell was going on…?

We could see them now: men, women, children… peasants and samurai, shopkeepers and Shinsengumi alike flooding the streets ahead, fleeing pell-mell from god-knows-what. It was pure and utter chaos.

Within seconds, we were surrounded by the frantic mob. I desperately tried to keep from being swept along in the madness, but was torn away from my companions despite my best efforts.

Suddenly, there was a deafening roar right above me, scattering the crowd and leaving me alone in the middle of the street. Glancing around in confusion, I spotted Toriyama pressed against the wall of a nearby house looking upwards in horror. I opened my mouth to call out to him, but found I was unable to even breathe as a massive, clawed, reptilian _foot_ appeared from out of nowhere to crush the house and Toriyama along with it.

I could only stare dumbly down at the squished, bloody remains of the man we had been ordered to protect.

"Well, shit."

I looked around and saw Kenshin a little ways off, looking dazed, staring after the huge scaly beast as it continued its path of destruction, leaving flattened buildings and hysteria in its wake. We stood in silence, overwhelmed by the suddenness… the absolute impossibility of it all.

We wandered around in a state of shock, observing the damage that had been done.

Kyoto was in ruins.

Even Okami's inn… newly built after the last disaster burned down the old one. Staring down at the wreckage, mangled corpses mixed in with the debris, I felt lost. Looking over at my partner, I could see he felt the same.

What were we supposed to do now? Abruptly, everything we had been working for had been brought to a screeching halt.

Who would have thought? Goddamn monsters…

I turned to Kenshin. "So… I hear Nagasaki is nice this time of year…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: As you may have guessed, this is not the real chapter 3… in fact this chapter was not even written by SiriusFan13, but by me, lolo popoki, as an April Fools joke. We switched stories… I wrote a fake chapter for this story, and she wrote a crack-chapter for my "Only the Beginning." Don't worry, the real chapters will be posted soon. :)
> 
> Before anyone says anything… yes, that is Godzilla that popped up, and yes, I know that there is no way that he could be in pre-Meiji Japan, seeing how he was created by radioactive waste. I was not going for realism here :P
> 
> Author's Note 2 (well, CREATOR'S note, I guess... It's SiriusFan13, here): Lolo and I decided to keep the parody chapters up but re-label them as such, so they will remain here for all to see:P
> 
> As always, thanks for reading. Please review!
> 
> Sirius


	5. Chapter 3

" _Language is the amber in which a thousand precious and subtle thoughts have been safely embedded and preserved. It has arrested ten thousand lightning flashes of genius, which, unless thus fixed and arrested, might have been as bright, but would have also been as quickly passing and perishing, as the lightning."_

_-Richard Chevenix Trench_

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Night came too quickly. Rather than rest, as I should have done, I paced, first my room, then the entire garden, tormented by "what-ifs". What if there was trouble? Could Battousai protect us or would he freeze? If he could still kill, would he turn on us and kill our charge? If he _did_ , could _I_ kill _him_? Because, though I hated it, I knew I would have to if it came to that. To save myself.

And to save Battousai's honor. If that boy _did_ give in to the bloodlust, I fully believed that there were others to blame. Others who would not care to be so kind. Others who would certainly clean up their mess, though they would be slow... sloppy... painful...

I pulled my gi more closely around myself, even though I knew my shivering had nothing to do with the cool breeze rustling through the branches of the trees. I didn't want this. I didn't want any of it. I didn't want the responsibility to watch Battousai. I especially didn't want to end his life. God, I didn't even know how I would do that if I had to. He was the fighter. The assassin. He was the one who had once told me that swordsmanship was like breathing to him. He didn't think. He just moved. I would never be able to take him down. But I knew that if he were lost, then I would have no choice. I wouldn't let him die by men who didn't know him. I wouldn't let them stab him in the back. After all they had forced him to do, the least Battousai deserved was the chance to see his death coming and face it honorably.

More importantly, for his honor, and for the sakes of our comrades, no one save Katsura need know that our savior had turned...

At this thought I stopped, horrified. I was already condemning him. How was I any better than the others if I could already see him falling so far? I tried to focus on what I had told Kano... about his goals... his ideals.

But in my mind's eye, I could still see him turning to me with blood on his blade, his eyes burning amber.

I hated myself for it.

"No." The word hissed out through my clenched teeth. I wouldn't allow it. I _couldn't_ think like that. It would be fine. Battousai... _Kenshin_... was not the one I needed to worry about. Kano was paranoid. Satsuma was always prepared to "take care" of their little problems. Even _I_ feared what they might do at the end of the war. Katsura didn't want it to happen, but he was a pragmatist, and so he would expect it anyway. However, there was no reason for me to fall into the same sinkhole of despair. There was no reason for me to give up on him. He was my ally. And right now, what we both needed to be worrying about was trying to walk a beached whale through the city with no one noticing.

I scowled. Someone in this world had a very sick sense of humor. I began to pace again, so frustrated and aggravated that I didn't even notice that I was no longer alone until I heard a soft, flat voice from behind.

"Ushiro-san. We should talk."

I nearly had a heart attack. Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I turned to see Battousai standing on the path a short distance away. His expression was blank, as usual. His eyes in shadow under the fringe of his flaming hair. I took another breath, this time managing a weak smile. It felt fake. "Battousai-san." I stared stupidly at him, unsure of exactly what to say. "It isn't dark yet. What are you doing here?"

I closed my eyes, cursing myself. Truly, I am a genius with words at times. Mentally kicking myself for practically announcing my discomfort at his sudden appearance, I tried to quickly rectify the situation. "It's just... you usually seem to prefer being alone during the day..." _Weak._

His lips twitched almost imperceptibly, and for a moment, he said nothing.

I blinked in surprise. _Was that a smile?_ I buried that thought immediately. More likely he was trying to mask a scowl at my stupidity. He's more polite than I am. Anyway, there was no reason for me to let hope cloud logic. Battousai hadn't smiled in a long time. Why look for emotions now?

However a small, insistently hopeful voice whispered in my mind that a frown was also a very normal reaction...

Whatever it had been, it was gone. His expression was a stone mask, as he turned toward the reddish western sky. His face was once again hidden from me. "Usually, I do," he agreed. "I prefer to _work_ alone, also," he stated in that dead voice he'd returned with. He paused a thoughtful moment before adding, "Less casualties. I don't want to have to protect you both."

He was honest. I usually respected that. What's more, I agreed completely. It was almost as though he were reading my thoughts. Or perhaps he was just aware that I'd overheard his conversation with Katsura. Either way, I should have just left it at that. But my nerves were frayed as it was, and that last comment quite frankly irritated me for some reason. For a single, solitary moment, I forgot who I was talking to, and I snapped, "I'm not a liability, if that's what you mean. I can fight as well as you can, and if you can follow directions better than that ahou we're supposed to run out of here, then we won't even have to. So just worry about yourself and our terrified friend. I can take care of myself."

He stiffened, turning to look back at me.

 _Crap. Who's the ahou now, Ryu?_ Still, what I had said was true... well, except for the exaggeration of my fighting skills. But he didn't know that. Not like he really paid attention to us anyway. I looked at him expecting an amber glare. I fully intended to return it. Instead, his deep blue eyes were wide. His lips parted as though he wanted to speak but was at a loss for words. He looked as startled as I felt. It lasted only a moment before his eyes shuttered again. But it had been long enough. I'd seen Kenshin again. I'd seen that boy I'd liked so much at the beginning. It was enough to make me _finally_ start breathing again.

It was also enough for me to realize what an idiot I'd become since my conversation with Katsura. That I'd started almost believing the garbage that people said about this kid. _He's still in there,_ I told myself. _Even if he can't do it. If he gives in... he isn't gone. There_ has _to be a way to get through..._

I was feeling better than I had in awhile.

"We should plan," Battousai finally managed. He sent me a significant look and asked politely, "What route are we taking? I would like to become familiar with it before we leave. If we need escape routes, it will help."

A moment passed as I stared at him. Another moment to process that something had changed. Finally realization clicked in. He was apologizing. This was how he was correcting his slight. He was giving up some control.

I managed a small smile that was far more genuine than I'd expected. He was offering very little, but for him, it was a huge concession. He would trust my judgment. My smile grew. The very least I could offer him was some camaraderie.

"Let's go inside and check the maps," I suggested finally. "I've been going over a couple of routes that will be dark, and are outside most of the usual wolf runs... I just wonder if streets will be wide enough..." I added as a thoughtful afterthought, turning back toward the inn.

As I glanced back to see if he was following, I'd have sworn I saw that small twitch of his lips again, as I made that last comment, but it was hard to tell in the deepening shadows.

* * *

It had been half an hour that we had been pouring over my faded map of Kyoto. I was starting to feel like I was talking to a wall. An armed, mobile wall... but just as mute. Which was irritating because he obviously did not like half of my plans for tonight's run. But he just stood there, raising his eyebrow here and there, and saying nothing. I got an "Ah" out of him once, but I'm not sure if that was good, bad, or if he were just politely catching himself before he called me "ahou". If he didn't make himself more useful soon, I was going to risk a skewering by shaking a response out of him.

I recklessly motioned to a wide street on the map that ran right through the center of Kyoto. The main road. Heavily patrolled by Shinsengumi. Dangerous to us even in the daylight. Far worse at night. "Or," I commented lightly, "I was thinking we could just run him down here. It would be quicker. And our quivering friend would fit in the street better."

The kid choked, both eyebrows shooting up, both hands slamming down on the map. I seemed to have pissed him off.

Good.

He glared down at the map for a moment, before taking a deep breath and managing a quiet, "Are you insane?" His voice was neutral as always, though the sound of his voice seemed to be muffled by his clenched teeth. He looked up at me. His eyes were irritated, and one of his eyebrows was twitching. Irritation wasn't really something I had wanted to pull out of him. But it was an emotion. And emotions were good. Each emotion, even those likely to get me killed soon, proved more and more that Kano was wrong. That alone would be worth a fight.

Probably...

Maybe...

He interrupted me from my thoughts. "We are not walking through the main road, Ushiro-san."

He said it in such an earnest voice, that I couldn't help but laugh, which seemed to annoy him more. I'd forgotten that the kid had absolutely no sense of humor. That he was somehow completely incapable of getting a joke. Always had been. "You _do_ realize that I was teasing, don't you, Kenshin?"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. His eyes immediately shuttered and grew dark, and he tensed in a way I didn't like, making me think, almost against my will, that then again, Kano might be onto something. _What the hell did I say?_

"Don't call me that," he said tensely. Dangerously.

I stared at him blankly, desperately trying to remember what I offensive thing I had called him. Hadn't I just said his name? Why did he look like he was about to jump across the table and strangle me? Tentatively, I asked, "Was there something specific that I said wrong?"

He looked away, took a deep breath and replied softly, "Just don't call me that. My name is Battousai. Or _demon,_ " (he snarled a little bitterly at that one), "take your pick."

I blinked at him. "Bullshit," I muttered.

"What?"

I looked up at him. "I said 'bullshit'," I replied in a stronger voice. I was already standing at death's door. Might as well walk in uninvited. "I will not call you demon. That's a load of garbage. Demons don't have souls."

He opened his mouth, but I growled, "Shut it. I don't want to hear your opinion on the matter. You're no demon. They're just being bakas, because they don't know you. I'm not calling you that."

"You don't know me, either," he replied, scowling.

"Better than _they_ do. You used to talk to me. They've always kept their distance. Bastards." Not that I held it against them, but it still irked me a little. He might not be like this now if they'd have talked to him before.

He paused, then said flatly, "Fine. Not demon. But don't call me Kenshin. That name is reserved for a swordsman. I'm a hitokiri. I won't have the name tainted. Battousai. Or this conversation is over."

I paused. Back to compromise. Well, at least the name "Battousai" was respectful to some degree. It had never been meant to be derogatory. I could deal with it. I'd been calling him that since he came back. I winced, also forced to acknowledge that until today, I hadn't actually _talked_ to him since his return. Had never said anything to his face. It had all been behind his back. But at least my end had never been as harsh... _And there I go, rationalizing again. Yay, me. I backbite, but it's okay, because I don't back stab. Fine... So, I'm a bastard, too._ I sighed.

"Battousai..." I nodded. "Okay. So, Battousai-san..." He twitched at my added "-san", but said nothing. "You have thus far hated most of my plans. Your lack of response has made that clear." He didn't reply, but the eyebrow went up again. Big shock. "So, what were your plans? And why are mine so bad?"

He replied hesitantly, apparently over his sudden flare-up. The neutral mask was up again. His mood swings were so damn hard to follow. "Not _bad,_ " he said softly. "Just... awkward. You have us crossing Shinsengumi paths a few times. I know it's inevitable, but I don't like _where_ we cross. Like here..." He pointed to one of my side roads. Nice and dark. Seemed pretty safe. "I don't mind crossing the tenth unit. Harada has a temper. You can feel his ki from a distance. And the second unit isn't bad." He motioned generally to another spot. "But you have us cross the third unit's usual run at least twice. Saito is dangerous. I've never crossed blades with him, and I don't want to. Not if I am to protect more than just myself." He glanced at me, apparently expecting me to go off on him again. I wasn't so offended this time. "I would prefer not having to risk us facing his unit unless we need to. And even if it isn't his unit, it will be Okita, which is just as bad. Don't forget the men we've lost to those two. We should avoid them at all costs." He considered the map for a moment, and began tracing his finger along a path I hadn't even considered. "If we run the outskirts, we add a lot of time, and will repeatedly risk crossing the tenth unit, but I think our odds are better."

He glanced up at me, looking for approval, I guess. I don't think I looked approving. I'm pretty sure I looked incredulous. "You think our hefty friend could handle the extra distance? I'm concerned about him."

"He isn't _that_ fat, Ushiro-san."

I shook my head, voicing a concern that I hadn't put words to yet. "It isn't just that, Battousai-san. I don't like being in charge of him. He won't follow orders. He won't respect anyone. He already dislikes me. He chose you as though you were his sword. You _know_ he will expect to control you the way he controls any other weapon."

"I'm used to that."

I didn't like that response, but I let it slide, more pressing concerns on my mind. "I don't care. I just don't like it. I want to get rid of him as soon as possible. I don't trust him."

His eyes darkened, and he looked down at the map again. After a moment's hesitation, he commented, "Neither do I. But if we run him past the third unit, we might have to fight. He will run. He will die." Simple and matter of fact. Annoyingly, when he put it that way, I had to admit that he was right. Dammit. He glanced up at me again. "What do you expect Satsuma will do if he dies, but we don't?"

At those words, I froze, remembering once again Katsura's words. Would they consider Kenshin a liability if they think he just let Toriyama die? They might. Could I risk that? Kenshin had no idea how much might be riding on this run, but he was close.

"We'll do it your way," I said, hoping to God it was the right choice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: As always, thanks for reading. Please review.
> 
> Dewa mata!
> 
> Sirius


	6. Chapter 4

_"And the sky was made of amethyst  
All the stars were just like little fish  
You should learn when to go  
You should learn how to say no  
My life's a dare  
Mine is forever."  
-Hole, "Violet"_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

It was a clear night. The stars in the sky twinkled as soothingly as the fireflies drifting through the garden. A cool breeze rustled the brightly colored autumn leaves, now dulled to shades of gray and silver by the light of the full moon. This was the sort of night I would normally have enjoyed: sitting out, drinking sake with friends... even if that friend were Kano commenting loudly and continuously about how nice the silence was. I should have been appreciating the warm glow of the lanterns shining through the inn's rice-paper windows.

Instead, I was pacing in the entranceway, irritably cursing how bright the moon was. Praying for clouds to darken our roads. Adjusting my daisho. Hoping our charge would choke on the sake that the idiot was drinking right before our run. Worrying once more about Kenshin.

"Kuso," I swore, nearly tripping over one of the damn cats that recently had overrun the place. God only knew why. There couldn't be _that_ many mice... And who the hell would be _feeding_ them?

I was distracted from my random, irritable grumbling by the loud complaining of our charge as he entered the room. Kenshin followed silently behind, ignoring the insults that were clearly directed toward him. The only outward sign of annoyance was the slight brush of his fingers across the tsuka of his wakizashi. I wasn't sure if he were considering decapitating our charge, or committing seppuku. I was genuinely hoping for the former, to be honest. The thought cheered me up, and I couldn't help the beginnings of a small smile just as Kenshin lifted his head, and, for a brief moment, his eyes met mine. He sighed softly, fingers twitching again to his sword, as a new round of obscenities were now directed in my general direction.

I cocked an eyebrow at Battousai, but said nothing, amused. Only a day before, I had thought the kid no longer could express anything, but I was wrong. Just in the short time I'd spent with him, I'd begun realizing that with very few words and almost imperceptible gestures, Kenshin said far more than even Kano ever had.

"How long are we just going to stand here?" Toriyama snapped, swaying slightly and glaring at me. "The longer we wait, the more time we give the Mibu-ro to prepare."

"The Shinsengumi will already be out," Kenshin replied shortly, brushing by Toriyama as though he weren't even there.

I nodded, adding, "The wolves are Kyoto's front line. Do you really think day or night makes any difference to them?" Obviously the alcohol was already killing his mental faculties. Or perhaps the baka was really that stupid. Probably both. I sighed, annoyed with my bad mood. We just needed to end this thing before I got as bad as Kano...

I turned away from Toriyama, letting him work that one out as Kenshin extinguished the lanterns, darkening the room, and making it more difficult for the opening of the door to be noticed from the street. No point in drawing undue attention to our base. Or to Okami...

When Kenshin was finally done, I led us to the door, but paused before opening it. Firmly, I stated to the onerous man, "Follow our lead at all times. If there is trouble, leave the fighting to Battousai-san, and the defense to me." Like there were any worries of Toriyama trying to play the hero. I added my more realistic concern. "And no matter what happens, trust in us. Do _not_ run."

"I'm no coward," he blustered.

"I would suggest you listen," Kenshin interrupted politely in a voice that cut like steel. "We will waste no time repeating." He paused, then added, "And I won't chase you if you _do_ choose to run. You will be on your own."

Toriyama fell silent, his apparent _courage_ bleeding out of him as Kenshin gently cut him down to size.

I smirked in the darkness. _Good for you, kid._

Briefly, I outlined the plan, stressing the need for both silence and speed. When I was certain that our plans were understood and uncompromisable, I opened the door and slipped outside. This was not a busy district even in good times. With the war going on, the streets emptied before dark. Okami had chosen her site well.

We carefully stayed to edge of the street, running alleys often, staying within shadows whenever possible. I listened carefully for any irregular sounds; watched for shadows that should not exist. I left the ki sensing to Kenshin. He was more sensitive than me, and anyway, I had to focus on our fat friend, making sure he didn't lag behind or wheeze too loudly.

We had reached the outskirts, almost halfway to our goal, when I heard the footsteps. I was ready to motion to Kenshin, but he had already sensed them, and was also moving to hide us, quickly backing us into a narrow alleyway, effectively concealing us in the shadows. We waited expectantly. We didn't have to wait long. Within seconds, we could see the unit slip by. I only hoped they wouldn't investigate our ki, though more likely they would assume a soldier or samurai was drinking at the run-down sake house we were pressed against.

The rest of what must have been the tenth unit passed. After waiting another few minutes until we could no longer hear their footsteps, I moved to follow Kenshin back to the road, grateful that the wolves had taken the direction opposite ours.

Kenshin, however, hadn't budged, silently raising his arm in a signal to stop. I responded quickly, listening. Was the unit returning to investigate our ki after all? I listened, but could hear nothing apart from the steady chirping of crickets in the distance, undisturbed by our insignificant war.

Tentatively, I approached Battousai, stopping a hair behind him. From there, I could see his profile. His brows were drawn together in puzzlement. Something was bothering him. Not exactly a comforting thought.

"Battousai-san," I hissed, hoping to snap him out of whatever it was he was contemplating.

He didn't move. Didn't even acknowledge me.

Was this the freeze that Katsura had worried about? This wasn't good. It was one thing to be cautious, but too much hesitation could be just as deadly as haste. I mentally flinched, pushing the rest of Katsura's conversation out of my mind. Focusing only on one small part. Protect Battousai. Was I going to have to order Kenshin back to defense? That left me as the front line. That was a joke...

I was weighing my options, even as I whispered, trying to give the kid one more chance, "Battousai-san, they're gone. It's clear. We need to move _now_ before they return, or another unit passes by."

No response. He _had_ frozen. _Great. I hate being lead._

I took a deep breath. "Move," I ordered, my muted voice sharper than it should have been. "Move, or fall back to defense. _Now_."

"That wasn't the tenth unit," he replied, finally, as though I hadn't spoken.

"What?" I stiffened in surprise by this sudden revelation. How could he tell that from back here? There was no way...

Toriyama moaned softly behind us, earning a deadly glare from Kenshin. Brilliant move. It only made the ahou even more terrified. He'd probably wet himself now. As it was, his whimpering became even more pronounced.

"Shut up," I hissed at him before turning back to Kenshin. I had to get us moving. This was taking too long. Each moment we wasted could cost us our lives. "You can't know that, Battousai-san. None of us could see them clearly enough from here."

He glanced at me, a strange look in his eyes. "What did you get from their ki?" he asked.

" _Nothing_ ," I replied, exasperated. "Battousai-san, there was _nothing_. No anger, no acknowledgement. They didn't sense us. They didn't respond. They were _fine._ "

Kenshin twitched. "Exactly."

I was going to hit him soon. I considered telling him that.

"Ushiro-san," he whispered, too quietly for our quivering charge to hear, "Harada has a temper. He has a very distinct, clear ki. He would not have been ' _fine_ '. It wasn't the tenth unit. They changed their pattern." That puzzled look again, like he was trying to figure out why.

"Maybe you're wrong," I hissed. "And either way, what difference can it make now? Like it or not, you have no choice but to move." I swallowed. "That is an order. You're our sword. _Move._ "

"Of course." His head dipped briefly, politely. His voice was bitter ice.

As soon as the words had left my mouth, I regretted them. He wasn't just a weapon to me. _Why the hell did I say that?_

Because I knew it would work. Because I'd heard Katsura say it. Seen Iizuka get away with it. Call Kenshin a sword and he becomes one. He does his job. Lets you use him. Soulless metal.

_Dammit!_

"Battousai-san, I didn't mean-"

"Forget it. Of course I have been wrong before." Polite, dead voice... No, not quite dead. There was something very off with his voice this time. I didn't think wanted to know what he had been wrong about in the past...

"You're right, Ushiro-san, we should move," he continued, coldly. "I'll fall to defense. You lead."

_Shit._

I didn't have time to fix this. We _had_ to get moving. But I mentally kicked myself, demanding that I make it up to him after we were out of this mess.

I hesitated, worrying about a more immediate concern. "If I need you...?"

"As you said, I am your sword. Wield me."

I ground my teeth at his response, knowing that the worst part was that he wasn't mocking me. He was serious. I don't think I've ever been as angry at myself as I was then. "Fine. Follow me. We keep to the original plan."

Kenshin nodded.

I glanced behind us again at the massively frustrating, and whimpering, reason that we were stuck here in the first place. Ironic that I'd almost forgotten about him during our ridiculously long talk.

Carefully we edged back out into the moonlight. Unfortunately there was almost no way to avoid it. We had been too long in the alleyway. The moon had moved too far overhead to create any more shadows big enough to obscure us... or at least one of us. This was what I'd been afraid of.

As we moved quickly, almost silently, I assessed our situation. We were almost halfway to our goal. We _were_ at the outskirts, but on the wrong side of Kyoto. We needed to move almost a quarter of the way around the city before we would hit the bridges we needed. It was true that the Shinsengumi didn't patrol this area heavily, since we had no reason to run this direction, but we had already seen one unit, and we would run into more the nearer we got to the bridges. The tenth shouldn't be a problem for at least another ten to twenty minutes, depending on how close they wound up cutting around and coming back. The second _might_ come around this way, but it was unlikely. We had a chance, though it was slim. We really had lost too much time...

Our second problem... I was now lead. I hadn't completely lied to Kenshin earlier. I'm a decent fighter, and I can hold my own against even a unit leader, as long as the rest of the unit is occupied. As long as it's someone like Harada whose ki apparently made him an open book, or Nagakura, who was a talented swordsman, but predictable, I'd be okay... probably. And according to Kenshin, Okita and Saito didn't run this route. He was right in saying that _that_ would be a death sentence for us. Well, for me and our wheezing charge at least...

My thoughts were interrupted by the sharp gasp behind me. My first assumption was that Toriyama was losing air from waddling so fast. But the sound had been too near. I glanced back. Kenshin had frozen again. I couldn't take much more of this...

"Battousai-san..."

His amber eyes narrowed, but not at me. "On the offensive. They're here."

"What? The tenth?" _How did they get here so fast?_

"Not Harada..." He motioned with his head, eyes hard. Fluidly shifting to his battou-jutsu stance.

I turned back, following Kenshin's piercing stare. Rounding the corner was the unit, its leader at the head, smiling coldly. The smile not reaching his eyes. A second unit came out of the shadows to our side.

They advanced slowly, obviously not surprised. They must have been expecting us. _How the hell had they known we'd be here?_

I tensed, hand against my own katana. Ready to lead. To die. Kenshin moved himself in position for defense. Definitely not freezing. Katsura had been wrong. His sword was still intact. Still gleaming, I expected.

I didn't have time to feel any joy at this discovery.

Okita and Saito were moving in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed the chapter. A big thank you to Shirou Shinjin, sueb262, and lolo popoki for their invaluable beta work! And a big thanks to my readers. I appreciate you taking the time to read this chapter. And by the way, please review. I'm a review junkie!
> 
> Dewa mata!
> 
> Sirius


	7. Chapter 5

" _Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why."_

_-Kurt Vonnegut_

**Chapter 5**

I tensed as Kenshin had, ready for an attack. Saito looked right past me. Possibly to assess Kenshin who, of course, was the bigger threat. More likely, he was turning his attention to Toriyama. He _was_ the target after all. I ground my teeth. That was one thing I hated about these missions: it's harder to hold your own in a fight when you aren't the focal point. Your defense has to become an offense, which makes these government dogs vicious when they turn on you. It's like poking a cat with a stick when it's after its prey. It doesn't respond at first, but in the end, you're nursing a dozen or more scratches.

And the mouse is still dead.

I wanted to look back and get some sort of cue from Kenshin, but I knew better than to take my eyes off of the unit leaders. I was pretty sure that if I focused on Okita, Kenshin would tackle Saito. I only wished I could be sure. Defense worked as rear guard. He was the one who ran the charge out when things got too ugly for the lead to win. Kenshin followed orders impeccably when it was demanded of him, but I was kind of hoping that this time he'd make an exception. I could only buy them so much time on my own. We really had to take down one target before Kenshin and Toriyama took off and left the rest to me.

Then another crazy thought struck me. _Has Kenshin ever actually_ done _defense in a protection run? Does he even_ know _that he's supposed to leave me?_ It had never occurred to me to explain that to him. Not that I'd really given him any reason to _want_ to protect me, but I hoped he wouldn't decide to go noble on me. If anyone was going to do that, I was starting to think it would be him...

I didn't get a chance to dwell on it. The few moments meant for assessing each other were over. Okita moved into my space, forcing my attention to his ki. Saito, it appeared, would take Kenshin. The units themselves didn't move, waiting for their signal. When Saito began struggling with Kenshin, or if Okita grew tired of me, the rest would be called in. Fair fight.

Well, kind of.

Okita lunged, forcing me to move faster than I'd ever thought possible. I barely dodged him, my own katana drawn, slicing back to where he'd been a moment before. He'd already moved, and my blade slid through empty air.

Speed was sadly not in my favor. I depended more on force, which was only useful if I could actually move quickly enough to hit my target.

He was already thrusting toward me again, going for my shoulder. I dropped. Rolled. Came up behind him, a shallow wound near my neck. I moved as quickly as I could. An upward slash toward his side as he turned. Okita easily blocked it, and pushed me back by the force of my own blow. He was using my attacks against me. Each time he blocked, he threw me back with my own strength.

An idea struck me. It was either suicide or else it might buy us some time... I was going to wind up dead tonight either way. Couldn't hurt to try.

He thrust forward again. This time, I didn't bother dodging, or even blocking. I used the little time I should have spent defending myself to attack instead. He was moving too quickly to stop himself as his blade dug itself deeply into my completely undefended shoulder.

Pain screamed through me as we both staggered back. My shoulder was bleeding freely.

So was his leg. I was right: he had been moving too quickly to dodge the blow.

We paused a moment, reassessing each other. My strength was cut in half by his attack, but I was pretty sure that leg was going to slow him down. We were about where we'd been before. Unmatched.

But I had lasted almost two and a half minutes. _Let's see if I can make three._

"You're good," Okita said with a faint smile.

 _And you're lying_ , I thought, though I wasn't completely sure.

I nodded to him, grimacing; silently acknowledging his own skill.

Again, he took the offensive, favoring his injured leg. He closed the gap between us quickly, though no longer at his deadly speed, thrusting his sword toward my greatly weakened arm. Knowing that there would be no way I could properly block him with my sword arm so injured. At the last moment, I switched the katana to my left hand, twisting out of his way, while slicing his arm as he grazed my neck. My wound was worse than his, but I'd hit him twice now.

He appeared surprised as we pulled back again.

This time I managed a faint smirk. I'm not the best fighter, but it pays to be able to use a sword with either hand. My left arm was weaker, but it wasn't clumsy like most.

Okita's smile was gone. He nodded briefly. I knew it wasn't acceptance of skill this time. He was calling his unit in.

Well, I'd managed to survive about four minutes against the captain of the first squad. That had to be _some_ kind of record.

I slid into a battou-jutsu stance. I sucked at it, but I figured, what the hell? It worked for Kenshin. Maybe I could take a few down and up his odds a little.

I opened my mouth to order him to pull out with Toriyama, when he came up behind me.

"Take defense," his usually flat, expressionless voice was urgent.

I stole a glance at him, taking in the blood on his gi. I wasn't sure whose it was.

"Take defense," he repeated, sweeping his eyes over the deadly unit surging toward us. "I have lead."

"I—"

"Just _go_!" He shot forward in a graceful, deadly dance that I could never dream to recreate. I saw him take down six in one swing before I could even turn my back and hurry to find wherever it was that Kenshin had stashed Toriyama.

 _That_ was speed. Compared to him, Okita was slow. _I_ might as well have been frozen in time. It was amazing. I would have to commend him on it, assuming I lived long enough.

I raced toward Toriyama, wondering in the back of my mind where Saito was, but I had no time to look around. I found Toriyama huddled in an alley, terrified. I couldn't blame him this time. Couldn't hate him. _I guess I should just be grateful the baka's still alive._ At least he hadn't fainted. Kenshin had left him with his wakizashi for protection. Smart, if Toriyama knew how to use it. The fact that Kenshin had left him implied that he did.

"Let's move!" I growled.

He didn't move, frozen. _Shit!_ Why the hell did I have to keep dealing with this?

I stepped forward to grab his gi. " _Move!"_

"No." His voice was frightened, but firm. He raised the wakizashi to me in defense. Yeah, he seemed to know how to use it alright. I took a step back, my hand ready to draw my katana. Was he insane?

" _Are you a complete idiot?_ " I snapped. _"We need to go_ now _!"_

"No." There was a catch to his voice this time. "No. They promised. If they got the demon..."

I stared at him, dumbfounded. _What?_ A moment passed. Then it clicked into place.

All of it.

"You bastard." My voice was suddenly as tired and flat as Kenshin's. For once I understood why he sounded that way so often. This was how you sounded when you were betrayed. A little of your faith in people died each time. His cold mask was our fault, at least in part. Another stain on us that only I would be privy to. Me and, I was certain, Katsura.

But I would deal with that later. Right now, I was ready to kill Toriyama myself. It all made sense with a sick sort of logic. The reason he had demanded Kenshin. The reason the Shinsengumi knew where to find us. He must have heard us planning. The walls of the inn were thin, and his room was beside mine. He hadn't been off drinking sake before the run. He'd been feeding information to one of the spies.

_What else did they know now? How many lives has that asshole endangered?_

And I was suddenly faced with a ridiculous dilemma. Did I continue protecting this ungrateful ahou, because that was what we had agreed to do? Even though he apparently didn't even _need_ our protection after all... Or did I run back to warn Kenshin? To help him fight men who were probably sent to specifically kill _him_ , not Toriyama... It should have been an easy decision. Only, I had a bad feeling that if Kenshin saw me, he would assume the worst, and try to go back, probably into a trap. Or worse, if something _did_ happen to Toriyama... Well, Satsuma had apparently been very clear to Katsura what the fate of a broken sword would be. I might not be able to convince them...

Then I remembered Saito, who for some reason was missing from the fight, suddenly giving Kenshin an opening to send _me_ back to defense. The Shinsengumi didn't retreat unless they had been ordered to; to do otherwise would demand seppuku.

Which meant Saito's disappearance had been tactical...

_Kuso!_

I glared at Toriyama, probably appearing for that one moment as frightening as Hitokiri Battousai. "I'll deal with you later, coward," I snarled before racing back in Kenshin's direction.

I slipped through the shadows, staying neatly in the darkness of an alleyway. I would be of little help to him in a fight unless he was heavily wounded or taken by surprise. My skills were stealth and defense; the only help I could manage would be to spot Saito before he could attack. Intercept and hold him long enough for Kenshin to take him on.

Kenshin was, of course, beautifully holding his own. If it weren't for the threat of the third unit leader, I would be kicking myself for thinking he would need my help at all. If it weren't for Satsuma, Toriyama would be in an early grave. So many annoying "ifs".

I waited as patiently as I could, using the free moment to cut apart a thick strip of my gi, and bandage my shoulder as best I could with one arm. I wouldn't be useful to anyone if I allowed myself to bleed to death. I finishished just in time to catch movement out of the corner of my eye.

Saito emerged from a side alley, covered in blood from his battle with Battousai, though he didn't move as though he were badly wounded. The wolf glanced in my direction as if he could sense me through the darkness, then turned his focus to the battle between Kenshin and Okita, which was finally in play. Okita had quickly stopped the bleeding from his wounds while Kenshin had dealt with his unit. He was moving more easily, and holding his own, though it was obviously a struggle. He seemed to be out of breath. Kenshin would win soon.

Saito would have to make his move quickly.

I held my ground, forcing myself to wait until Saito moved in on Kenshin. My odds were slightly better if I came from behind.

My wait was short, but I didn't anticipate his move. Okita's eyes flicked to Saito who nodded in return. At his signal, Okita fell back. A single word, and the tattered remains of both units backed off.

_They were called off? Is this some sort of trick?_

I could tell Kenshin was wondering the same thing. I could feel his confusion. He shot forward anyway, but they were fast, and obviously had been waiting for this signal. Holding out until it was an honorable retreat.

They were moving opposite my hiding place, so it would be useless for me to follow. Apparently Kenshin also decided that chasing Okita was a waste of time. He stopped after only a few yards.

Kenshin and I both turned to Saito at the same moment. The wolf's eyes were burning... a clear desire to finish the fight, but then he too was gone.

There was a sudden change in Kenshin's expression as realization kicked in, and before I could breathe, he was racing back toward Toriyama's hiding place.

I followed, but much slower. I knew he'd find whatever he was looking for before I even arrived.

The alley wasn't far, and even before I got there, I knew what had set the hitokiri off. The cloying smell, almost metallic, assailed me. The street was red. Our charge lay to the side. Mostly.

It hadn't been Kenshin's blood Saito had been covered in.

Toriyama had been the target after all, even when they could have taken out Battousai.

_Why?_

The boy turned back to me with that dead look again. Pain. And... something else.

His next words cut me. Froze the blood in my veins. In a flash, his expression changed. His eyes turned deadly.

"What have you done?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Anyway, a great big thanks to sueb262, lolo popoki, and Shirou Shinjin for their beta work. Between the three of them, they turned an exquisitely crappy chapter into something worth reading. Kudos to them!
> 
> Also, thank you all so much for reading. Please reward me for quick-ish updates with reviews! : P
> 
> Dewa mata!
> 
> Sirius


	8. Chapter 6

_"Imagine if there was a dream upon your stage  
_ _And all the time, a battle raged on within you  
_ _How could you end the war for good?  
_ _Amethyst valley bound engulfing every sound"  
_ _-Eternity X, "Firestorm"_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

"What have you done?" Kenshin's eyes were fierce. Dangerous in a way I had never seen before.. a way he had never even used for Toriyama. His ki was even worse: violent, confused, frightening…

Frightened.

 _What the hell?_ But I already knew the answer. He'd pulled me from the lead, saved my sorry ass, and risked his own life in the process. He'd given me only one job in return, which I'd failed at.

Defend Toriyama. Protect the rat. I should have stayed. I'd made the wrong choice, because Kenshin had never been in danger.

I paled, suddenly understanding the fear in his ki.

 _But now he's in worse danger than before._ Satsuma would kill him... And the Shinsengumi had figured that out. They'd been ordered to fall back at Saito's signal by their commander, because there was no reason to lose an entire unit when Kenshin was a dead man anyway. Two birds with one stone. This was my fault, but Kenshin would pay for it.

_Dammit!_

"I'm sorry," I replied in a pained voice, knowing that it would fix nothing. "I didn't realize... I didn't think..."

He wasn't listening, moving unexpectedly into stance. He didn't attack immediately, restraining himself, but it appeared to be only a great internal struggle holding him back.

My hand slid back to my own katana. I had no chance, but if he attacked, I'd go down honorably. I didn't want to fight him, though.

What had set him off? I knew I had failed, but was he really going to kill me for it when I might be the only one who could explain? Who, then, could prove that he hadn't snapped? Didn't he realize that… or _had_ he snapped after all?

My thoughts were cut short by his cold voice. "Was this your idea, or did I'izuka get to you?" he snarled, before shooting forward.

 _I'izuka? His ally?_ No time to wonder. I barely managed to bring my own blade up and leap back before his struck mine. The force of his charge threw me back, and, weak from loss of blood, I was easily slammed against the building behind me with such force that the wall actually gave way a little from the impact of my body. My head cracked against the wall, momentarily blinding me, but my back and right arm took the brunt of the blow. The sloppy wrappings around my shoulder fell open as I slid down the wall, the rough wood tearing at my already ragged wound. I staggered forward, slipping on Toriyama's blood, and fell to the street next to his cooling body. There was a crunch as my knee struck the hard ground beneath me, followed by a blinding pain. Breathing hard, I clutched my shoulder, the torn gi now soaked with blood, and tried to will myself to my feet, but I had injuries from my fight with Okita on top of this. I wasn't sure I could stand.

Of course, I also wasn't dead. Which meant he'd held back. He wanted answers.

I struggled to think past the pain screaming through my brain. _I'izuka... he said something about I'izuka..._ "What are you talking about?" I managed to growl through clenched teeth. I spat blood onto the street, an insignificant reminder of my foray into the wall. "I'izuka's dead. The wolves—"

He wasn't listening. "Were you his replacement?" He spat the words out bitterly. "How much did they pay _you_?"

 _Pay me?_ But now I understood.

He'd already moved into his battou-jutsu stance again. His muscles tensed, and there was more anger in his ki. Still some fear. It was blinding him. I had wanted emotions, but not like this...

"I'm not the traitor, Kenshin." Screw his hatred for the name. What was he going to he do, kill me for saying it? "I didn't betray you. It was Toriyama. The Shinsengumi offered him protection. The baka believed them."

"They killed him," he replied fiercely. But he didn't move.

"Of course they did. He was the bait." It all made more and more sense as I said it. "Saito was missing, so I went to warn you. I never thought they'd kill the ahou. You were the target."

"They pulled back."

"Satsuma." My voice was as dead as his. Neither of us was going to live through this mess. He'd kill me, and they'd kill him. I didn't want to see him die.

I struggled slowly, painfully, to my feet. The wall at my back helped a little, as did my sheath. The fact that he held back while I stood helped a lot. I lifted my head, and looked him in the eye. "I didn't betray you, Kenshin." I swallowed hard. "But I disobeyed an order, and I failed at my duty. Finish this."

He didn't move.

" _Do it..._ " I snapped, dropping my hand to my wakizashi, "... or I'll do it for you."

He hadn't left his stance the entire time. At those words, he finally moved, bearing down on me. I closed my eyes, ready.

A moment before he reached me, his ki cleared, the confusion gone. His blade tore into the wall behind me, embedding itself deeply into the wood. Into the splattering of blood.

It didn't tear into me.

My eyes snapped open.

He stood beside me, his katana still buried in the wall, inches from me. His hands still clutched the tsuka. I couldn't see his face, but he was breathing hard. He didn't turn to me. Didn't let go of the blade. But he spoke. "So, it was Toriyama." I couldn't tell if it was supposed to be a question, or if he was finally acknowledging what I said. It didn't matter though. He was himself again. That sudden, uncharacteristic rage was over.

I sagged against the wall behind me. "Yes," I replied. The word was a choked sound. I'd forgotten to breathe.

"You were right, then." He finally pulled his blade free, wiping it clean before sheathing it. He did the same with his wakizashi, which lay at his feet, where Toriyama had dropped it. His eyes didn't meet mine. "I'm sorry." It was almost ridiculous to say after nearly running me through.

I didn't care. I was grateful anyway. Still leaning against the wall, I asked hoarsely, "Why didn't you kill me?"

"You warned me. I remembered..." He must have noticed my confusion. "When we were planning," he clarified. "You said you didn't trust him. And later, you took lead when you could have died. You had chances. You didn't take them." He looked pained. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I was remembering..." Another pause as guilt flickered across his battered stone mask. "It's no excuse."

"It's done." I shrugged... which hurt.

He noticed, and asked softly, "Do you think you can make it back? We need to get you to a doctor. And I need to report to Katsura-san."

 _Katsura… that's right…_ When we reported to him, I'd have to be sure to skip the part where Kenshin tried to kill me. That wouldn't help his case. I'd just blame it all on Okita. And I was probably going to have to explain very carefully to Kenshin why he should do the same... _That_ was going to be an interesting conversation…

I tested my weight on that leg. The knee crunched more and hurt. Broken, probably. _I should tell him he has to carry me._ No. Bad idea. He'd probably do it. "I think I can manage it if I use my sheath for balance." I carefully removed it and tested it as a walking stick. It sufficed. I was going to need a new one when I got back. Leaning back against the wall, I tore another strip from my gi, and wrapped my knee as best I could. Then I attempted to rewrap my shoulder. I wasn't going to be wearing _anything_ soon if this kept up. I stood again. Better. Tolerable, at least. Kenshin stayed back. Most likely, because he was afraid of hurting me more.

He waited patiently, watching for patrols that weren't going to come, so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with me.

I looked back at what was left of Toriyama. "What should we do about him?"

"Nothing."

I blinked up at Kenshin, startled. The body couldn't be left until daylight. A Satsuma official couldn't be left to the dogs. We were already in enough trouble. "You can't be serious…"

He looked back toward the body, tired. "There's nothing we _can_ do right now. You need a doctor. We need to move. We will report to Katsura-san, and he will probably send Kano to clean up before sunrise."

I didn't like it, but Kenshin was right. We needed to move.

"You go back to leading," I finally said, as he turned away from the body. My lips twisted wryly. "Not that you listen to me anyway..."

He bristled.

 _That's right. No sense of humor._ "It's a joke," I added for his benefit.

He didn't respond, so I shrugged and struggled to walk. This was going to be slow going. He barely moved until I proved that I'd be able to keep up. Then we went as quickly as my injuries would allow, which was pretty damn slow. I wasn't looking forward to getting old and being stuck with a real walking stick.

But still, I was grateful that I'd have the opportunity to do it. I hadn't expected to come out of this night alive.

I'd been lucky so far. We both had. Too many hadn't lasted this long.

_I'izuka..._

Something Kenshin had said during our fight (well, during his attack and my pitiful defense) came back to me. "Battousai-san..." I started carefully. "About I'izuka..."

Nothing.

"Battou-"

"What?" There was an edge to his voice.

"I'izuka... He was the traitor wasn't he? Katsura would never say..."

"Yes."

_His friend. One of the only men he trusted. No wonder he believed I'd betray him. He probably thinks that anyone who tries to talk to him has some hidden agenda._

He continued shortly. "I'izuka fed information to the Bakufu. There were two of them… both dead."

Something in his tone told me to leave it be. If I were smart, I wouldn't try to draw more out.

I'd already proven that I wasn't smart.

"The girl?"

"Murdered." The conversation was closed. He'd only half answered me, but I wasn't crazy enough to push it any further than that. Not now, at least.

Anyway, I needed to figure out what to say to Katsura. It was going to take careful wording. I needed to speak to him before Kenshin did. This would be difficult enough without the kid's honesty condemning him.

But I had plenty of time to think. It was almost an hour before we reached the Kohagi, my injuries slowing us considerably. Kenshin looked like he wanted to help, but was afraid to touch me. I pretended that I didn't notice.

The inn was silent when we entered. Normally we would knock for Okami, but this time we didn't want anyone to know of our return. We needed to clean up. Then report. In that order.

Luck wasn't on our side tonight. Kano and Takahashi Saburou were up playing cho-han. I suspected it was Kano's idea, since he'd expected me to come back dead. Well, he was half right.

Kano was the first to notice us, standing so quickly that he knocked the table away, and threw dice in every direction. "Ryu!"

"Dammit, Kano! Watch what you're doing!" Saburou turned to look and for half a second took in what had to be a horrific scene. Both of us covered in blood. Me, hardly able to stand. A moment later, they were both rushing to my side, calling for Katsura and Okami. I noticed that the blood all over Kenshin's gi was ignored.

Their racket alerted more than our commander and the okami. By the looks of it, those two were the only ones who _hadn't_ heard those bakas. About half of the men were up and at arms before I could even take a step, not that I was moving particularly fast at the moment. I scowled. So much for slipping in quietly. I could have killed Kano.

Questions filled the air as Kano and Saburou helped me to my room. Kenshin followed silently.

"What happened?"

"Did you guys get Toriyama-san out okay?"

"God, is all of that your blood, Ushiro-san?"

Several furtive glances in Kenshin's direction. The whispering started.

"Is _all_ of that Ryu's blood?"

"Battousai's lost it. I told you something wasn't right."

"Look at his eyes."

I glanced in Kenshin's direction. His face was stone again. His eyes were emotionless. He was withdrawing into himself, hiding from them, so he didn't have to deal with the people. _I_ knew it. But to them, he looked like he didn't care. Like my injuries and the blood were insignificant.

He looked very much like their demon.

"Toriyama-san is dead," he replied simply in his dead voice. He usually didn't speak to them. Why the hell did he have to choose _now_ to talk?

They fell silent. I knew what they were thinking. Kenshin was clearly not injured. But he was covered in blood. It was either Toriyama's or mine. Either one damned him.

Kenshin opened his mouth to speak again. To dig his own grave.

I had to stop him. The words came to me almost without thought. If I couldn't save him, then he wasn't going down alone…

My voice was clear and steady in the silence.

" _I_ killed him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: A few things this time. First of all, a great big thank you to lolo popoki, sueb262, and Shirou Shinjin for their beta work. From editing, to rewording, to saving my sorry ending. Thank you so much!
> 
> Second, thanks to all of you for reading this fic. Please review!
> 
> Dewa mata.
> 
> Sirius


	9. Chapter 7

_"[Amber] was believed to serve as a ray of light for the dead person in the afterlife."_

_-Faya Causey_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

I don't really know what I'd expected. Probably everyone to stop what they were doing and stare at me in horror. To react as they would with Kenshin's simple statement. To do _something_.

At Kenshin's quiet declaration of Toriyama's death, everyone had begun speaking at once. First in whispers… But it wasn't long before the whispers had gained volume. Kenshin had said almost nothing, yet his quiet voice had demanded their attention and elicited a response. When _I'd_ spoken, however, the babble of voices didn't lessen even a fraction. Apparently I'd lost my importance as soon as I'd been brought into a room where I could die more comfortably. Why listen to the guy with the actual wounds? What could _I_ possibly have to say? I was growing dizzy with loss of blood, but still had enough focus to be a little irritated. Even Saburou and Kano, who were standing right at my side, didn't reply, though I'm pretty sure Kano kept quiet intentionally, trying to protect me. But did this really have to be the first damn time he kept his mouth shut?

I think my attempt to save Kenshin would have failed miserably if Tsuji hadn't been at my other side to hear. If he hadn't in all of his loud-mouthed glory asked over the din, " _You_ killed him?", I don't think my words would have had any affect. I was grateful to his propensity to say whatever thought popped into his head at the exact moment it arrived there.

Then he added, "I didn't know you were that good a swordsman," promptly killing my gratitude. He eyed my wounds and added, "Then again, maybe you aren't…"

My sour glare finally silenced him, as did the elbow Yuasa delivered to his gut. But I had to admit, his words may have unintentionally saved Kenshin's life. Surprised and inquisitive eyes turned back to me. The whispers changed.

My wounds had been inflicted by a panic-stricken Toriyama. Apparently the man had been a decent fighter. Apparently I wasn't. In fact, _this_ was exactly the reason I was never placed as lead.

There were no questions as to _why_ I had killed him. They knew me, and I was trusted. I was no demon. I was one of them, laughing and joking and drinking with them.

I wasn't Battousai.

And they weren't Katsura. Or Okubo. I would have to answer to _them_. I was certain that they wouldn't accept Tsuji's explanation that Toriyama had simply pissed me off. I only hoped they'd believe the truth, even though I had no proof of Toriyama's betrayal. I was banking everything on their believing me.

My thoughts were getting blurry as loss of blood caught up to my mind as it had ages ago for my body. Thoughts were getting fuzzy around the edges, and faces were starting to melt together. It was increasingly difficult to concentrate. I thought I recognized Katsura's voice quieting the others'.

A concern flared in my weakening mind like a lantern in the dark. What if Kenshin tried to explain before I did? That baka…

I grabbed the first gi I could reach. It was Yuasa's. "Don't let Kenshin talk…" I didn't even know if he'd heard… If I'd even said it aloud… as my dim flame of consciousness finally flickered out.

When I awoke, all was dark and silent. A cool breeze blew in through the barely open window, its rice-paper panes slid back just far enough to allow a single blade of cold moonlight to cut through the darkness . A solitary lantern burned quietly beside me, dimly lighting the rest of the room, the flame flickering slightly, its warm glow at odds with the moon's harsher light. I had no idea what time it was, and I was struck with momentary confusion before everything came rushing back. This mission, the traitor… My promise-and likely failure-to protect my protector.

I dragged myself painfully up to sit, and my wounds quickly reminded me of their presence. Groaning, I pulled myself until I could rest with my back against the wall. I hate being in a position where I can't see around me. Pain or not, I had to see my surroundings. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I had Kenshin's incredible ki sense. His was a part of him. Mine was pathetic on a good day. Although I knew that many of the men couldn't sense ki at all. Kano certainly couldn't… And I suspected that even Katsura's ability was far below that of our sixteen-year-old prodigy's.

I considered that thought for a moment as I checked my bandages to be sure I hadn't pulled any loose while dragging myself up the wall. Everyone else was envious of Kenshin's speed and his sword play. They were impressed, though nervous, about his dispassion when killing. I just wanted his ki sense. We all get old, if we live long enough. Even Kenshin would one day grow slower and weaker. But even old men can defend themselves if they can sense their attacker's advance. That would be what saved this boy in the end. I was sure of it.

Though I hoped the older Kenshin would be free of killing..

I hoped he'd live that long.

With that, I remembered my last words to Yuasa, and my priorities drew sharply into focus. Worry gnawed at my already frayed nerves. How long had I been out? Had Kano dealt with Toriyama? Was Satsuma here? Had Kenshin opened his mouth and signed his own death sentence?

I went cold.

Was he already dead?

At that thought, I struggled to stand. I had to get to Katsura. I had to explain. Or, at the very least, know.

My body felt like lead, every joint stiff and aching. Every wound bringing raw pain as my bandages rubbed at unhealed wounds. After all, the dressings weren't meant to give me mobility. They were meant to keep my blood inside my body, rather than spilling out and wrecking the tatami.

I didn't care about blood or pain or bandages, but, sadly, I couldn't ignore the fact that, even though my strength seemed to be rapidly returning, I was still too weak to fully stand without help. And my sword was resting on the opposite side of the room. I'm sure that was intentional.

 _Dammit._ Apparently that was to be my word of the night.

I slowly lowered myself back onto the futon, but I remained alert, my back against the wall.

It seemed ages that I sat there, leaning against the wall, trying to find my happy place, so I didn't stress myself into a stroke. Finally, the door slid quietly open, and one of the younger serving girls slipped inside, bringing fresh dressings.

When she saw me sitting up, fully alert, she started, almost dropping her tray. Immediately she glanced down, composing herself. From the look on her face, I suspected that I wasn't supposed to be awake yet. God knows, they probably didn't expect me to wake up at all. I know that thought had crossed _my_ mind several times before I'd blacked out.

After a moment longer, the girl began walking toward me again, the only outward sign of her previous reaction being a slight reddening of her cheeks, noticeable as she approached.

"Ushiro-san," she said softly, "Okami sent me to redress your wounds." She knelt beside me, reaching hesitantly for the bandages on my shoulder.

I tensed as she touched my wound, but let her do her work. It had to be done. And the sooner I was mobile, the sooner I could request an audience with Katsura.

I tried to keep my voice level as she dipped cloth into water, and began dabbing at the bandages, softening them so they would come off more easily. "How is Kenshin… Battousai-san? Is he well?"

She paused in her work a moment, her hand hesitating over the bandage. "He wasn't badly injured," she replied simply, and continued with her work.

"Is he alright?" I repeated, certain that she'd known exactly what I'd meant when I'd first said it. Worried that she hadn't just said that he was fine.

She didn't react this time. "I expect so." She had placed the cloth in the water, and was carefully unwrapping the old bandages, setting them beside the bowl on the tray. Grabbing fresh bandages to replace them. Her eyes didn't meet mine. I waited for her to add anything to her quiet answer. She didn't.

I tried a different tactic. "Is Satsuma here?"

She blinked up at me, surprised. "No."

I took a breath, grateful for that at least. "Has Battousai-san spoken to Katsura-san?"

She tugged my dressing a bit too tight. Sighing, she sat back on her heels. "Ushiro-san," her voice was a touch exasperated, "I am a simple serving girl. What do you want me to say?"

I paused, actually looking at her for the first time. Even in my urgency, I had to admit that she was definitely _not_ simple. And I certainly wasn't being particularly clever about my questioning.

I managed a faint smile as she waited patiently. "I am just trying to figure out what Katsura-san has planned for my friend." I surprised myself by calling him that, just as I realized how true I wanted it to be. That kid was a better man than most.

"Your leader doesn't speak to me. The lady Ikumatsu tends to him."

I sighed. "Of course. I am sorry."

"But," she added, glancing back up at me, probably reading the poorly masked disappointment on my face, "I have tended to Battousai-san." She paused, thinking. "He is quiet. He has rarely left his room since you were brought in here. I expect that he has not spoken with your leader yet."

She stood, picking up her tray again. Bowing, she asked, "Can I get you anything else, Ushiro-san?"

I shook my head, grateful to her. "No. You've done more than enough. Thank you."

She bowed again, blushing, and walked to the door.

Just as she was sliding it open, I changed my mind. "Wait!"

She paused and half-turned to look back at me.

"Could you send one of the men in? I need to speak with someone."

"Of course, Ushiro-san." And she was out the door, sliding it shut almost silently behind her.

The girl must have grabbed the first person she saw upon leaving my room. Within moments, Yuasa was hesitantly poking his head in. "Ryu?"

When he saw me sitting up, looking slightly more alive than dead, his face split into a grin, and he slipped the rest of the way into the room. "You're finally awake. We were worried…"

I returned his smile as he continued. "So, are you up for talking about the other night?"

My smile faded immediately. "Other night? How long have I been out?"

"About three days." At my alarmed expression, he shook his head. "Ryu, we didn't even know if you were going to make it. You lost so much blood, I'm impressed you're even sitting up now."

I wasn't listening. Three days. Satsuma would have noticed Toriyama's absence. They probably even knew details by now. I had less time than I'd thought. So much for recuperating.

"Ryu?" Yuasa was looking at me, concern in his eyes. "Are you all right? I can come back."

I shook my head firmly. "No. I'm fine. I'm sorry." I motioned for him to sit.

He didn't look convinced at my response, but he knelt. There was an awkward pause, as he seemed to go through some internal struggle before speaking. "Ryu…" his expression was serious when he finally spoke. "What really happened to you? Don't try to tell me it was Toriyama-san. He wouldn't have the courage to attack you. Especially not with Kenshin around."

I winced at that. If only Kenshin _had_ been around the whole time. We wouldn't be in this mess. If only _I_ had been around…

Yuasa was staring at me, clearly waiting for an answer.

"Okita." There was no need for me to go into detail. It was mostly true.

He gave me an odd look. "Really? Okita? From the bodies I've seen, I was under the impression that the sandanzuki is a thrust attack to the shoulders and the neck. Or am I mistaken?" He motioned to my bandages, covering the diagonal slash across my chest that I had been too weak to block during our fight. The one that was a result of Kenshin's trademark attack. I didn't know of a single member of the Shinsengumi who used battoujutsu the way Kenshin did. Of course Yuasa of all people would notice it. He had an eye for detail.

But had the others noticed? I hoped not.

I didn't answer.

Yuasa leaned forward, looking me in the eye. "Listen, Ryu. I can just tell them all that Tsuji was drunk and babbling. They'd believe it." Under his breath, he added, "Wouldn't be the first time."

"No." My voice was sharper than I'd intended, and Yuasa looked surprised. "It was my doing." _Technically true_. "Battousai was trying to protect him the entire time."

"Which required him to attack you?"

"Kenshin did _not_ attack me out of nowhere, if that's what you're trying to imply." My voice was a low growl.

He stood, and began to pace. "But he _did_ attack you." It wasn't a question.

"Yuasa…"

He shook his head, and made a dismissive gesture. "You aren't the aggressive type, Ryu."

"The ahou provoked me."

His sharp eyes locked with mine, and for once his usually gentle voice was hard. "You've dealt with worse bakas before without dismembering them." He turned away from me then, picking up my sword from its new home on the other side of the room to examine the battered remains of my sheath.

His answer silenced my argument for a moment. I changed the subject. _I_ had called _him_ in to answer my questions, after all. "Yuasa, did Kano…?"

"Clean up the mess? Yes." He glanced back at me briefly. "He said it wasn't your sword style, you know."

"But it wasn't Kenshin's either, was it?" I sounded like a defiant little boy, but I didn't really care at the moment.

Yuasa paused, tactfully ignoring my tone. "He wasn't sure. I don't think he told anyone but Tsuji. You'd have to ask one of them. And really I think Tsuji may have been bribed to keep his mouth shut. Kano's trying to save your ass, you know." He sighed, fingering a deep gash in the side of my sheath. "Ryu, just tell me. What happened? It wasn't just Okita. And it wasn't Toriyama. You're going to need a better answer than that if you want Katsura to back you."

I scowled, hating the fact that he was right. "The Shinsengumi and that bastard Toriyama are to blame. I'm not saying any more until I speak with Katsura." I calmed my voice, regretting how harsh my response must have sounded. "I'm sorry, Yuasa."

He shrugged. "I understand. But good luck explaining it to Katsura… or to Satsuma." His eyes darkened. "Be very careful with them. Especially if Okubo-san comes."

I straightened. "When will they be here?"

"When they can. Soon, probably. I'd have a good story by then. Because Kano will blame Kenshin before he lets you take the fall."

"Kenshin didn't-" I struggled to stand, momentarily forgetting my knee, and, at the intense jolt of pain, dropped back down against the support post of the wall again. I don't know what the hell I'd been planning on doing, anyway. Kill Kano? Probably. "Why won't anyone believe that he's innocent?" I snarled.

"Either you're going to die or he is, Ryu. Odds are in his favor. If Kano doesn't convince them that it's Kenshin's fault, then you have to know that Kenshin will. You _know_ how he is. It's all military for him. You defend, he takes lead. What's the difference here? You're defending him, so he'll try to cover you, even if it means going up against you. That's how his mind works."

I glared poison at him. "He's not just some-"

"He's a good kid," Yuasa said firmly, quieting me. "He'll take the fall if someone has to. And the others are going to back him." I opened my mouth to protest, but he didn't give me a chance this time. "Not because we want him to die, Ryu. Because we want at least one of you to make it out of this alive. Satsuma wants to take out their liability. Do you think they care if they have to kill you both to do it?"

He added more gently. "We're all on the same side, Ryu. It isn't you against us. We aren't going against Kenshin. We're backing him, whatever his choice. If you don't like it, then fight him, not us." He handed my sword to me, effectively closing the subject. Walking to the door, he smiled, and added, "Get better. Okami will have your head if you bleed on her futon."

And with that, he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: As usual, a big thank you to Shirou Shinjin, lolo popoki, and sueb262 for their beta work. It was a major help.
> 
> Also, a BIG thank you to lolo popoki for letting me borrow her characters Yuasa and Tsuji (who you might recognize from her fic "Only the Beginning").
> 
> Thanks to everyone for reading. Please review.
> 
> Dewa mata.
> 
> Sirius


	10. Chapter 8

" _[Amethyst] encouraged calm, bravery, and contemplation."_

_\- www . jewelsforme Amethyst - History . asp_

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Three days… _Dammit!_

That was plenty of time for Satsuma to learn of their fallen comrade. Certainly enough time to decide what they were going to do about it, whether or not Katsura backed us. And as good a leader as Katsura was, I knew that it didn't matter that he liked and trusted Kenshin. He would protect the clan. And if that meant Kenshin had to die to keep us in Satsuma's good graces, then nothing I said would save him.

But still, I had to try.

I sat against the wall as I had now for the past twenty minutes or so since Yuasa had left, fingering my katana and trying to plan my next move. Yuasa was right, of course. I had taken on an impossible job: to protect a boy who didn't want to be protected. For the first time I considered the possibility that Kenshin hadn't fought me back in the alleyway because I'd risked his life with my stunt. He was intelligent. If he'd wanted to protect _himself_ , he'd have hauled me in and made me explain. And if he'd had any inkling of self-preservation, he would never have just announced Toriyama's death to the men as though none of it mattered. He'd done nothing to defend himself. He _never_ did anything for himself, I realized. His loyalty was completely to Katsura. To our cause.

To us.

And he would protect us. Any of us, whether or not we spoke to him, or whispered about him, or cared about him. It didn't matter which of us "deserved" it. We were all people, so we all earned his care. He'd take the front line. Not as a military maneuver as Yuasa had suggested, but because we mattered to him for some reason. Our lives mattered… Though I suspected that Yuasa had an inkling of that as well. I was being cocky if I thought that I was the only one to figure that out. After all, the kid did have his rare moments when the mask dropped. And the others weren't complete idiots…

Well… most of the time, at least…

I finally set the katana on the floor at my side. It had taken me twenty minutes to realize that I'd already decided what I was going to do before Yuasa had even left the room. Continuing to just sit here thinking about it wasn't going to do anything except cut into the little time I had left. I had to get moving.

And _that_ was easier said than done. Thank god Yuasa had brought my katana to me. That would help a great deal. As long as my leg didn't split in half when I tried to stand…

I inspected my knee. The girl had wrapped it well. I gently probed the injury, wincing. It was swollen, and the skin on either side of the bandages was a lovely rainbow of colors. I knew I shouldn't put pressure on it, but I didn't exactly have any time left to wait for a recovery. I couldn't sit and rest now any more than I could when I'd faced Okita. I had a job to do. Clenching my teeth, I struggled slowly and painfully to my feet, using the sheath as a crutch. I was a little stronger now. Good. Maybe I'd even make it to Katsura before my strength gave out and I collapsed through a wall. I smiled wryly. At least I'd make an entrance… though _that_ probably wouldn't help Kenshin's case any… Especially when everyone probably already suspected that my wounds were his fault. They'd condemned him in their own minds without a second thought.

But I also had to acknowledge that none of them must have voiced their suspicions to Katsura, otherwise Kenshin would not be sitting comfortably in his room with a serving girl treating him… Not after three days…

_We're all on the same side…_

Yuasa was right. Kenshin had saved us all at some time or another. Even if we didn't always act like we understood that, I was certain that any of us would return the favor if given the opportunity.

_So, let's give them the chance to prove it._

After a couple more tentative steps to test my stability, I was finally convinced I'd survive my treacherous journey down the hall, and hobbled to the door.

I slipped out of the room, sliding the door shut behind me. The halls were dark and silent. Good. That meant I might be able to make it through the inn without questions. And hopefully without being yelled at by Okami for being conscious. I knew how her mind worked. If she caught me out, my tea would be drugged the next time I turned around.

I hesitated a moment, trying to decide what I should do. My first instinct was to run to Katsura and explain everything. But our leader was fair. And shrewd. He would confirm my claims by asking Kenshin to present his side. And if our responses didn't match…

There was too much at risk. Especially since I knew the role that Katsura and Okubo would play in the length of Kenshin's life.

With that thought, I turned away from the direction of the meeting room, and instead made my way down the hall through the sleeping quarters.

I paused in front of the room beside mine where Toriyama had stayed. After a moment of deliberation, I scowled and, giving in to baser instincts, I spat on his door. It was childish, but it made me feel better. I wasn't exactly known for my maturity anyway.

In a slightly better mood, I continued a few doors down and stopped in front of Kenshin's room. I could see his lantern's soft glow escaping through the openings around his door. He was in there.

Tentatively, I knocked.

No answer.

Frustrated, I hesitated a moment. I didn't want to disturb Kenshin, especially if he'd fallen asleep. But this was important. I tried one more time, adding in a soft voice, "Battousai-san?"

Silence.

I sighed, resigned to at least trying to speak with Katsura-san before Kenshin could, when the boy's flat voice replied quietly through the door. "You can come in, Ushiro-san."

I started, a little surprised that he'd recognized my voice through the door. It wasn't exactly memorable, and, even though we'd spent the night working together, I'd spent most of that time shouting at him or moaning in pain.

Shaking my head, I entered his room before he changed his mind.

I slid the door shut behind me, and waited there in the doorway like an idiot, uncertain of what to do. Looking everywhere but at him as I considered my next move.

After a very long, awkward moment of silence, he asked patiently, "What did you need, Ushiro-san?"

I turned to him, opening my mouth to speak, when I noticed his bandages. He had quite a few, but the serving girl had been right. His injuries didn't appear to be as bad as mine. At least he wasn't staggering around like I was. I hadn't thought he'd been injured at all in our ambush, but it was only logical that even Battousai would come out with some injuries after facing both Okita _and_ Saito. He was only human.

"Ushiro-san?"

"I didn't expect you to recognize my voice through the door." I closed my eyes briefly, inwardly cringing at my amazing idiocy. _Way to get right to the point, Ryu. How about we discuss the weather, too? "Isn't the moon lovely? I was so worried it would rain. By the way, do you think Satsuma is going to kill_ you _or_ me _?"_

He gave me a funny look and returned to polishing his sword, which he'd apparently been doing when I'd interrupted him. "I recognized your ki," he replied simply.

_Of course you did._

I cleared my throat uncomfortably, realizing that if I were smart, I'd have actually thought out something to say while I'd dragged myself to his room.

He glanced back up at me, when I continued to stand in uncomfortable silence. His eyebrows drew together, as he shot me that funny look again. "Why don't you sit, Ushiro-san? You shouldn't be putting weight on your leg."

Relieved to finally have something logical to do, I sat, taking a better look at him. Noting that as calm and composed as he outwardly appeared, he was exhausted. His normally alert eyes seemed a bit dulled, with shadows under his them like purple bruises on his pale face. This entire mess had been weighing on him as well.

"Now," he asked again politely, "what did you need?"

"Have you spoken to Katsura-san yet?"

"No."

"Are you going to?" I asked, a little surprised. Kenshin had always been one to report to our commander immediately.

He didn't look up from his work. "Yes. I need to report to him."

"But you haven't yet?"

A slight twitch of his eyebrow as he finally looked at me. "I thought we'd report together." He paused then, a funny smirk playing on his lips for just a second, before he added, lightly, "I don't want you saying anything stupid like you did out there."

I just stared at him for a second, unsure of how to respond. For a moment he'd seemed like a different person. It was a comment Tsuji or Kano would make. A comment that _I_ had made a couple of times, myself. For that moment, he'd dropped the image of Battousai for me… for _himself_. I hadn't realized until then how different he could have been in another life. Like everyone else, I had just gotten used to Kenshin's careful, shuttered attitude. I had considered him to be acting "normal" when he'd almost smile. Or when he'd show a spark of actual irritation. Maybe I had been selling him short. Maybe he still had a chance for a normal life after all. Someday…

"Ushiro-san?" His curious voice snapped me out of my thoughts. He was staring at me. In the lantern's wavering light, his clear eyes took on a surprising amethyst hue.

I glanced away, and muttered just loudly enough for him to hear, "You know, I was just thinking the exact same thing about you." I hesitated, and after provoking no response, finally got to the point. "Battousai-san… you know that Satsuma is looking for an excuse to kill you, right?" I hated having to tell him this way. But he had a right to know.

"Of course."

 _What?_ I sighed in exasperation. "Why am I the only one who _didn't_ know?"

He smiled faintly. "Because you refuse to look for things like that. You like seeing good in people, Ushiro-san. Even if we don't deserve it."

I gritted my teeth, pissed that he was lumping himself in with those other "unworthy" ones. "You _do_ deserve it," I growled through gritted teeth. Then, for good measure, I added, "And you are _not_ taking full responsibility for this mess…"

"I have no intention of lying to Katsura-san." He studied his sword critically, polishing a little more here and there, then pulling it back to examine again. "I'm going to tell the truth. That's all." He checked the blade one last time for imperfections.

I ground my teeth in frustration, knowing that he was using the sword as a reason not to look at me. I fought back the childish urge to rip it out of his hands, so I could stop talking to the top of his head.

Taking a deep, calming breath, I responded tightly, "So am I." I managed a weak smile. "Unless Satsuma attacks you. Then I _am_ going to lie if need be."

"And then _I_ will explain what really happened." Satisfied, Kenshin carefully sheathed his blade and laid it gently to his side, looking back up at me. "You are not taking full responsibility either."

I felt like we were a couple of children arguing about rules of some game. This was ridiculous. And _we_ were supposed to be Katsura's best. It was amazing Choshu was back in Kyoto with a couple of winners like _us_ to depend on…

"It looks like we're at a stalemate," I snapped, making no attempt to grow up. I tried to appear intimidating.

His only response was that amused quirk of his eyebrow. The faint twitch of his lips. I knew him well enough by now to realize that he was gently laughing at my attempt to glare down Battousai.

That kid could be so damn _aggravating_ at times. "You find this _amusing_?"

He reached toward for a small bottle of sake that rested on the tray at his side. He poured some for both of us.

Irritably, I took the cup he offered. "Well?"

He shrugged and took a sip. His eyes did not meet mine. "It doesn't help to get angry. We either work together on this, or we fight each other… again…"

I didn't miss the way he stressed "again". And I knew what he was implying. "You aren't dying for me."

No eye contact. "I don't intend to."

I sighed, my anger fading, replaced instead by a sad, empty feeling. "I thought you said you weren't going to lie."

The faint smile. "I said I wouldn't lie to Katsura. I have every intention of lying to you… if need be…"

I had to laugh at how he'd thrown my own words back in my face. Finally, I took a sip of the sake, shaking my head. "God, you're an ass."

Kenshin raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

We drank in silence. Wincing, I shifted my weight slightly to ease some of the pressure on the knee. My flinch was such a slight motion, but of course Kenshin noticed.

He glanced up at me, a flicker of some emotion deep in his eyes. Concern. "How are you, Ushiro-san? You really shouldn't be walking."

"I'm fine," I replied, gruffly. "Anyway," I continued, changing the subject before he could argue, " I don't have much of a choice, do I? Katsura-san isn't going to visit _me_ for our report…" I furrowed my brow as another thought struck me. "I'm surprised he didn't demand a report from _you_ while I was out."

"He did." Kenshin took sip from his cup. "I refused."

I choked on my sake. "You _refused_ Katsura-san?"

"I insisted you be there to say your piece. He accepted that."

" _Why?_ "

His answer was simple. "It wouldn't have been fair to you otherwise."

I just stared at him. "But it's fair for you to condemn yourself to death just to protect me?"

"I'm _not_ going to condemn myself." He was finally starting to sound a little exasperated. Good. _He_ could see how it felt, then. "I'm just going to tell Katsura-san what happened. If _they_ choose to condemn me, then I guess I'll be condemned."

"They _will_ , Battousai-san."

"Then they will." Kenshin had already recomposed himself, and calmly took another sip from his cup. I was suddenly struck by how like Katsura-san he looked at that moment. This kid, accepting his death as a samurai would, without complaint. As Katsura had coolly dealt with Toriyama only days ago.

"How can you be so _calm_ about this?"

His grip tightened on the fragile cup in his hand. "I joined this war to protect those who need it, Ushiro-san. That's what I fight for. If I risk other lives to protect my own, then why am I even fighting? Why would I kill if not to protect _someone_? My life is worth less with each person I destroy. There is no point in covering up the facts to protect myself. Especially if it is putting _your_ life at risk. Why would I kill those Shinsengumi to protect you only to let Satsuma finish Okita's job?" His response was smooth and practiced as though he'd explained his motivations behind fighting this war before.

"And how are you planning on protecting people when you're dead, Battousai-san?"

"I don't _want_ to die. I just refuse to pretend that things aren't what they are. That's all."

I sighed, finally forced to admit defeat. "Fine. Forget it." I sipped my sake in thoughtful silence, glancing around his stark room. A mountain of books stacked in the corner. His futon, rolled against the wall. A stand for his swords, which I was _certain_ rarely held anything but his wakizashi, as it did now. The katana was too much a part of him…

"Ushiro-san-"

I turned to look at him, but whatever he had been about to say had died in his throat. I watched as his blue eyes iced over. That wasn't a good sign. "Battousai-san?"

Kenshin was no longer looking at me. With no other change in his expression, he had set his sake cup back on its tray and stood, gently scooping up his katana and carrying it to the stand I'd just been examining. "How well can you walk, Ushiro-san?" he asked in a flat, controlled voice. He rested the katana in its place, picking up his wakizashi and tying it at his hip.

 _That_ was definitely not a good sign. What the hell had changed his demeanor so abruptly?

"Ushiro-san?" he prompted.

"I made it here, didn't I?" The gruffness of my response did nothing to hide my worry. I struggled to stand, pointedly ignoring his attempt to help. "Just tell me _why_ I'm going to be walking."

At my demand he looked back at me through a fringe of blood-red hair. The ice had melted from his eyes already, leaving them half-dead. I preferred the ice.

"Because they're here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Again, a great big thank you to lolo popoki, sueb262, and Shirou Shinjin for their beta work (saving this chapter from falling flat!). Also, thanks again to lolo for allowing me to use her characters Yuasa and Tsuji (from her fic, "Only the Beginning"... check it out on fanfiction.net!). I hope you're still enjoying this fic. Thanks everyone so much for reading, and please review. 
> 
> Okay... I'm going to shut up now... lack of sleep is combining with not quite enough caffeine in a very bad way, and I'm growing loopy... Have a nice day, and again... thank you for your time. I hope this chapter was worth it.
> 
> Dewa mata.
> 
> Sirius


	11. Chapter 9

_"Amber increases in value with the rarity and perfection of the entrapped object."  
_ _-www.bernardinegemstones/amber.htm_

* * *

**Chapter 9**

_They're here._

One of us-maybe both- was likely living his final hour. I would have thought it would upset me more, but I felt nothing. I'd probably dumped so much of my worry on Kenshin and Yuasa-and even that poor little serving girl-that I had nothing left. I was completely empty.

"Are you all right, Ushiro-san?" Kenshin asked softly, his quiet voice reawakening my numbed mind. I could feel again, even if it were only a shred of fear.

I nodded. "I'm fine." I turned to look him in the eye, difficult in the flickering lamplight. Even more so now that his cold mask was drawn up again. "You?" I asked, concerned. A flicker of deadly amber colored his eyes. But perhaps that was just a trick of the lantern's soft glow. I hoped so. I didn't want the last glimpse of my friend to be through small cracks in Battousai's mask.

I was granted one wavering of his cool façade in response to my question: a small, tight smile that didn't quite reach his tired eyes. "I've been expecting this," he replied simply.

I sighed. It was so damn unfair that a kid nearly a decade younger than me was so ready to die _._ And not just as a samurai. He was fully prepared to be put down like a mad dog. I could only hope that _he_ at leastrealized that he was worth more than that. I had a sick feeling that he didn't.

Scowling, I took a couple of weak steps backwards to brace myself against one of the room's support beams. The weight of my body was crushing my knee again, just as the weight of our situation was slowly crushing my spirit. If we didn't get summoned soon, Kenshin's cheery attitude was going to rub off on me, and I would give up on us without a fight.

Trying to change the subject to anything else, I asked in what I hoped was a steady voice, "Okubo-san is the one who came, isn't he?" I'd met him once, but it was enough. His ki was clear and easy to recognize. Even for me.

Plus, who else would be brave enough to face Kenshin and demand his death?

Kenshin nodded, fingering his wakizashi, his thoughts probably mirroring my own. "And a few others. Bodyguards, I'm guessing."

"Because you're such a threat," I snarled sarcastically, a poisonous bite to my words.

He didn't smile as he would have earlier, but his eyes softened a touch. "Perhaps not. But I suspect at the moment _you_ are." He paused, adding quietly, "I've never felt your ki like this before."

I laughed a short, humorless laugh and closed my eyes, rubbing my hand against my face. I needed a shave. "I'm scared shitless, that's why."

"No. You're angry."

Since I couldn't come up with a suitable response, I said nothing, glancing around the dimly lit room instead. My eyes fell on the small cache of bandages he kept near the stack of books. "Do you mind?" I asked, motioning in their general direction.

He nodded, and I limped forward, careful to put as much weight on my good leg as possible. My bandages were firm, but didn't lend much support for walking. The more strain I put on them, the worse I was going to damage my knee, resulting in more visible pain, and further weakening Kenshin's chances of survival.

I dragged myself the seemingly endless distance to the wall, trying to ignore the grinding sound and the jolts of agony. It felt like Okami, in a malicious mood, had decided to brace my leg with a sword blade. There were stabs of pain with each step which jolted up my leg. I had the uncomfortable feeling that if I lived through this mess, I would never be able to walk quite right again. At least my style didn't depend on speed…

Kenshin remained motionless near the sword stand, his expression unreadable in the wavering light. Even so, I felt his careful eyes watching me the entire way, and I could tell that if I took one bad step, he intended to keep me from falling. His silent concern made the walking a little easier.

His eyes didn't leave me until I finally made it to the other side of the room. I used the slightly unsteady stack of books to lower my body to the floor, heaving a sigh of relief. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him scoop a shinai off the floor. I shook my head. Leave it to him to clean up before his likely death. Probably trying to save Okami the trouble of having to both straighten his room _and_ clean blood off the meeting room floor.

I abruptly forced such thoughts from my mind, refusing to allow any negativity to take root. Looking away from Kenshin, I refocused my attention instead on my damaged leg. Carefully setting the katana to my side, I picked up some cloth and began wrapping my leg as tightly as possible. Trying to walk the fine line between "firm" and "cutting off circulation". Circulation was losing. One good reason why I was a soldier and not a doctor. I loosened the bandages a bit before tying them off.

I was so intent on my work that I didn't even notice Kenshin had come up until I heard a sharp crack like a gunshot over my head. My head whipped up, and my blade was half drawn before I realized that I wasn't in any danger.

The kid didn't even move to block my swing, instead snapping the shinai he held in his hands again, this time pulling the bamboo apart. I just stared at him, confused. I knew that Kenshin wasn't really into training swords, but generally he wasn't randomly destructive. He knelt beside me and placed pieces against my leg. He then began wrapping it tightly, using the last of his bandages to hold everything in place.

"It will lend your leg more support," he explained softly in answer to what had to have been a baffled expression on my face. "My shishou did it to me once," he added, as though he needed to back his statement with more solid proof. "It helps."

I managed to keep from flinching as he gave the cloth another pull, tighter than even I had, before tying it off. If he had his way, I swear no blood would ever make it past my knee again, let alone out of my wounds. "Sounds like your shishou was an intelligent man," I managed to say through clenched teeth.

He smiled faintly. "He had some good advice…" He paused, adding "… when he wasn't beating it into you."

I had to laugh at that. "Sounds like my father."

His eyes shuttered at those words, and he didn't answer… My cue to shut up. This was not the time to demand explanations. As powerful as he'd always seemed, I was starting to see how the edges of his careful façade were crumbling. Something I now realized had probably been happening for awhile. And until I was certain that he could function without it, I didn't want to cause further damage. I'd done enough already…

I was pulled sharply back into the moment as Kenshin gave one last tug on the dressing, sitting back on his feet to solemnly study his handiwork. "Try to stand, Ushiro-san. We'll see if I need to make it tighter."

God, I hoped not.

I just nodded and, with a pained grunt, managed to struggle to my feet with only a little help from the wall. To my surprise, my knee hurt less. Still was killing me, but if I occasionally braced myself against the wall as I walked, I could probably leave my walking stick behind, which would look a lot better for Kenshin. Not to mention the fact that carrying my katana, crutch or not, in front of our "guest", would be considered rude at best. Especially since I was pissed enough at Satsuma to seriously risk drawing it in Okubo-san's presence.

Kenshin was staring at me expectantly. "Well?"

"It's good." I took a tentative step. I could do this. "It's really good." I smiled at him. "Thanks."

He nodded and stood, looking embarrassed. I realized that he was probably almost never thanked for the stuff he did. It was a foreign concept for him. I didn't push it.

After a couple more small steps to confirm that walking would not be an issue if I left my sword, I eased myself back to the floor, using the books for support once again. No need to press my luck.

Kenshin had walked to the door and was now standing awkwardly beside it. His face was half in shadow, but from what little I could see, he appeared to be waiting for something. His brows were drawn together in puzzlement. He stood like a statue, still and barely breathing.

I tensed, holding my own breath. Listening for footsteps. I'd learned to not like it when he had that look on his face. Usually that look meant bad things were coming. And at the moment, I knew exactly who the bad things would be. "Battousai-san?" I asked carefully. "Is something wrong?"

He turned fully in my direction, and I suddenly realized that this wasn't the "We're going to die" face after all. I relaxed. It was more of a "What the hell is going on?" look. For the first time, he actually seemed to be at a loss. I could deal with that.

"What exactly should we be doing?" he asked softly. "No one has come for us yet."

I stared at him. "Is that supposed to be a bad thing?"

He ignored my comment, glancing uncertainly at the door again. "Are they waiting for us?" He appeared puzzled. "Were we supposed to report when they arrived?"

It clicked for me then. _That's right… the kid's always refused to meet with the bigwigs. Hell, Katsura probably had to bribe Kenshin to just stand in the room with Toriyama during our meeting._ I didn't know how he got away with stuff like that. Sometimes it was like Katsura felt he owed Kenshin something. And his payment was letting the kid make most of his own decisions, as long they didn't cross Choshu's needs. I knew it irked some of the men to see that. To hear the boy's refusals, polite though they always were. But they would never speak against him. And most of us had figured out by now that Kenshin only refused things that weren't necessary. That he never made selfish requests.

"Ushiro-san?" Kenshin asked insistently, startling me from my thoughts. "Is there some protocol I should know about?" He looked worried. Leave it to him to be more worried about protocol than about seppuku.

I had to grin though, amused that for once I knew something that he didn't. I managed to earn an irritated glare from the kid. Earning the glares was becoming my entertainment now that I knew that they weren't a prelude to skewering. Though I'm sure it would be a different matter entirely if he _really_ glared at me again. Once was enough.

"What?" he asked, bristling at my amusement.

Still smiling, I motioned to the tatami. "Sit down, Battousai-san. There isn't any protocol yet." At his evident frustration, I added by way of explanation, "They have to hash things out, and sometimes that takes ages. They aren't in a rush. We aren't even supposed to know Okubo-san's here."

"Aren't supposed to know…?"

"Us normal folk usually need to be _told_ when we have guests." I motioned again. "Now, sit."

He came and knelt this time, looking frustrated and embarrassed. "You knew Okubo-san was here, too."

I stared at him a moment, startled. Did he really think we were on the same level? "Battousai-san," I started carefully, "I can only get a sense of ki if I know the person's around. I have to be trying. It isn't the same as with you. I didn't notice Okubo-san's presence until you pointed it out. And I wasn't _sure_ it was him until you confirmed it."

He was staring at me in open surprise. "I didn't know that," he said thoughtfully. I just assumed…" His brows drew together as if he were trying to remember something. "You responded to the unit that passed us in the alleyway almost as quickly as I did." It sounded almost as though he _wanted_ me to be at his level. Wanted me to be the same as him.

"No," I argued, refusing to play along. "I just listen and watch, Battousai-san. I heard someone coming, and I knew it had to be a patrol that late at night. I didn't have a clue who it was, remember?" I shot him a look, adding gently. "I've been doing this longer than you have. I've learned to work with what I have. And I've never had your help before."

"And when you fought Okita? You read his moves well..." He hesitated before adding "…and you were very good against me…"

_He has to be kidding._

"Battousai-san," I said slowly, "Okita was right in front of me… And when I fought against you…" I shook my head. "I'm not discussing any feigned skill there. I'm only alive because you stopped."

His answer was immediate. "You held me off."

I bristled. I've never liked false praise. Even out of kindness. "You hesitated," I stated firmly.

He looked at me as though I were a special kind of slow. "I hesitated," he responded, his carefully controlled voice silencing me, "because you held me off. Defense isn't all sword work… You talked me out of it." His eyes darkened and he looked away. "People don't try that very often…" His voice was distant. Absently, he fingered the vicious scar on his cheek, and I couldn't help but wonder if he was thinking of that bodyguard he took down last year… or if it was the new scar that had drawn his focus.

He didn't leave time to think on it. Abruptly, he dropped his hand, and, as though the conversation had never changed its focus, asked, "How _did_ you hold Okita off?"

I wasn't given the opportunity to answer. There was a gentle knock at the door. Kenshin glanced at me before standing, and went to answer it. The icy knot was back in my stomach again. And in his eyes. He had returned to his stony mask. Polite, but devoid of all emotion.

He moved fluidly to the door like a living shadow, and slid it open to expose the same serving girl who had helped me earlier. She bowed.

"Nozomi-san," he said in a flat, though not unkind voice. I shouldn't have been surprised that he already knew her name.

"Katsura-san has sent for you." Her eyes traveled back to me, and she amended, "Both of you."

"Thank you, Nozomi-san."

She bowed again, and hurried away.

I had begun my struggle to stand the moment Kenshin had answered the door. The sooner we got this over with the better.

I must have been a pitiful sight, because Kenshin moved to help me. Thank God. Whatever Okami had given me to dull some of the pain was wearing off fast. _At least if I have to die, my knee will stop hurting,_ I thought darkly. _Have to think positive._

"So," I said with a grimace as we left the room and entered the hall, "I'm walking into the lion's den injured and unarmed."

He didn't respond, walking a half step behind me. The reason was obvious, since, out of the corner of my eye, I could see him tense each time my step faltered. _How do they think he's become dangerous to us? How did_ I _ever think it? This kid cares more about us than even_ we _do."_

I spoke again, flashing a grin in his direction. Trying to pull him out again. "By the way, Battousai-san… since I didn't think to grab my wakizashi, can I borrow yours if they pick me? I don't want to have to walk all the way back to my room to get it."

His expression didn't change, but there was a narrowing of his eyes. "That isn't funny, Ushiro-san."

"Hey, at least you knew it was supposed to be. That's an improvement."

"Please stop talking, Ushiro-san."

That flat response took me by surprise. His words were polite, but that response wasn't like him. I glanced back. His features were flat, but at the same time tense. He looked like he was thinking hard and fast about something, but trying to wear his usual, empty mask. He was probably trying to figure out how to throw all of the blame on himself quickly enough to protect me from myself. I was starting to get how his mind worked.

Quietly, I spoke again, ignoring his request. "Seriously, though. If I'm the one they find at fault… will you be my second?"

A muscle tightened in his jaw. "If you are killed, then we both will die. You know that."

"Okubo-san is fair," I argued. I hoped that was true. It had _seemed_ true until recently. Then again, I'd recently been proven naïve about a lot of things that I wanted to be true…

Kenshin's reply was simple. "So is Katsura-san."

Three words and my hope was dashed. Kenshin was right, of course. Okubo was a shrewd politician just like our leader. His clan would come first. And Kenshin wasn't even theirs. If Katsura were willing to trade Battousai for our safety…

I didn't speak again for the rest of our short walk, brooding in silence. The trip to the meeting room was too short, even at my greatly slowed pace. Not because I was afraid to die. Though I admit I didn't relish the idea, I was of samurai lineage, and, even though our ways were being torn apart, my beliefs in our code hadn't been shaken. If this had only been about my dishonor, then fine. Death before dishonor. But this was also about political games. It was about killing a good man who I had spent the past few hours getting to show me his real face. I had managed almost nothing in my attempts, but even the small chinks I'd made in his armor were enough for me to see what kind of person he had to be at his core to stay not only sane, but genuinely _good_ with all he'd endured. I hated this walk because I didn't want him to die. Didn't want either of us to die, really. I wanted to live to see what kind of man he could become. And I genuinely wanted to earn his friendship. Chipping down that wall of his was proving to be worth the work.

My thoughts changed abruptly as we stopped in front of Katsura's closed door. The last time I had come here, I'd been given the impossible mission to evaluate and, to some degree, protect Battousai. To judge his worthiness to live. I'd cared about his welfare in a vague, distant way, but that was all. I'd wanted nothing to do with the job. I certainly hadn't wanted anything to do with Battousai.

Now I stood beside him, intending to fight for his life against the one who'd sent me to watch him.

What a difference a few hours had made.

He approached the door and glanced back.

I nodded. No words were needed. We both knew the routine.

Two short knocks and Kenshin stepped back again, head bowed, his hair casting most of his face into shadow. His hand resting casually, but firmly on the tsuka of his wakizashi.

I had only a moment to regret my decision to leave my katana in his room when Katsura's tired voice, barely audible through even this thin door, bid us enter.

Kenshin glanced at me one final time and managed a small smile before turning his back toward me. His hand touched the door and, without turning around, he said in a low voice, "Fall back to defense. I'll take lead."

With that, he slid the door open, and entered the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thanks again to lolo popoki for allowing me to reference her character, Yuasa, from her fabulous fic "Only the Beginning" (If you haven't read it, then go do so... it's worth it. And she needs motivating reviews!). Also, thanks to lolo popoki, Shirou Shinjin, and sueb262 for their incredible beta work. Without them, you wouldn't have wanted to READ this chapter...
> 
> And thanks to all of you for reading. We're nearing the end. Hopefully this stays up to par. I just want to take a sec to thank my readers, betas, and reviewers for all of your support. I'll try not to let you guys down.
> 
> Dewa mata.  
> Sirius


	12. Chapter 10

**Amethyst and Amber**

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" _[Amethyst] was thought to … preserve soldiers from battle wounds, aid the warrior to victory, help the hunter in search of his game, protect the wearer from contagious diseases, and put demons to flight…"_

\- www.jewelsformeAmethyst-History.asp

* * *

**Chapter 10**

I approached the dimly lit room close behind Kenshin. Unwilling to leave him alone in there for even a fraction of a second longer than was absolutely necessary. Quickly stepping inside, I silently slid the door shut behind me, sealing us off from the rest of the Kohagi Inn. There was no need to disturb the others from their well-earned rest. Not for something like this…

I turned and faced the leaders, Kenshin to one side of the door, myself to the other.

So, this was what death looked like. Two men sharing tea in the dead of night. I studied them carefully as they quietly conferred while we stood, waiting. Katsura _looked_ as tired as he had sounded, which surprised me a little. They hadn't been in their meeting for a particularly long time before they had sent for us. And, late though it was, this certainly wasn't the first time that Katsura had had nighttime guests. Even guests as important as Satsuma. Guests with other agendas, who needed to come and go quickly and discretely if they desired safe passage.

I eyed Okubo. He was tall and lean. Younger than I'd expected, though that shouldn't have been a great surprise. Katsura was not much older than myself either. But where Katsura appeared cool and collected, I could see controlled stress and irritation in Satsuma's eyes. There was an urgency about his ki. I had a feeling that he wanted to just get this over with and leave. Now I understood why we had been called for so quickly. Okubo did not want to be here. Fleetingly I wondered who had run him in. A man of his importance would never have traveled the darkness of night alone, even if he were already housed in the city.

Then I remembered the bodyguards that Kenshin had sensed. All of whom were probably resting alertly in the adjacent rooms, waiting for any sound to warrant their entry. Okubo was no idiot. He didn't trust us any more than we trusted him.

Okubo's tension showed on his face. Perhaps it was just the stress of the run. Satsuma could go where they pleased for the most part. But visiting us would not look good for them, especially at night. _Dealing_ with us could be worse, as was evident by the death of Okubo's idiot comrade. Plus, if followed, he could compromise our location, risking all of our lives, and putting him and the rest of Satsuma in Choshu's bad graces as well. Our alliance was shaky as it was. A single failed run could be deadly for us. It may already have been.

There was good reason for anxiety.

Still… even with all of that to consider… I didn't think that was the only reason for the strain etched into Okubo's lean face.

I shot a quick look at Kenshin who stood as still as stone near my side, but my friend was no longer there. He was Battousai again, at least outwardly. His dead expression, cold and flat. His face wearing the mask that had helped label him "demon". The face that told the blasphemous lie that he cared nothing for the pain of others, even if he were the cause. This was the face that would condemn him worse than anything he could say. And there was much he could say.

I set my own face into what I hoped was a similar expression to Kenshin's. _Let's even the playing field, then_. If he didn't appear to care, then neither would I. I was determined that they would not be able to use me as a point of comparison. Sanity versus insanity. Man versus demon. If Okubo planned on playing that game, he would condemn us both or condemn no one. There would be no excuses. I'd been with Katsura long enough to know how this twisted game worked. If there really _was_ an agenda-and Katsura had implied that there was when he'd sent me on this mission-then our trial would only be as fair as we forced it to be.

But I was as guilty as Kenshin, if not more so, for the web we were now caught in. I intended to force at least _some_ justice to this farce.

Their quiet conversation abruptly stopped, drawing my attention and momentarily silencing my thoughts. Katsura returned to his tea, his eyes slightly narrowed, clearly not happy with _something_ they had been discussing. I wished I had been paying closer attention.

Okubo-san leveled us with a steady gaze, his careful eyes taking us in. His assessment of us at this moment beginning our trial. Both of us were visibly bandaged. Both silent. Neither showing any fear. Any _emotion_. At least, that's what I hoped. I've always been a terrible liar.

We waited. This was the beginning of the end, for good or bad…

He paused a moment longer. That moment stretched awkwardly, and I finally realized what was going on. Okubo was waiting for Katsura to present us to him.

My eyes flicked over to our leader, but he continued silently sipping his tea. Although it could easily be mistaken for a simple oversight, I had a feeling that this was an intentional slight on Katsura's part. A polite way to irritate Okubo-san.

And, with a start, I finally understood why Katsura was so tired. He'd probably been up half the night making decisions about this moment, just as we had. Two of his best were not only injured, but also risking death now, and our leader had no idea what had happened. If it weren't for the fact that Kenshin had refused to report, and that Okubo appeared to be ready to leave the second the verdict was given, I'm certain Katsura would never have allowed himself to be put into this situation. This whole mess had given him no time for tactical planning. Katsura was fighting blind, and putting faith in the fact that we wouldn't fail him. He was defending us in the only way he could that would not endanger Choshu.

He wasn't telling Okubo which of us was Battousai.

Finally the pause became too long. Too awkward. And so Okubo was forced to face the uncertainty. He broke the silence.

"I'm sorry that we had to meet under such circumstances." He was surprisingly soft-spoken. His expression almost as controlled as Katsura's. I didn't let it fool me. Mild though our leader may appear, I knew that Katsura was more dangerous than any of us, including Kenshin. The same would be true for Okubo.

Still… this man was not what I had expected. I'd only seen him once in my time here, and that had been briefly. Katsura had been sending me off on a night run with parting instructions, and we had passed each other. It had been enough for me to get a feel for his ki. A brief look at the man. That was all.

There was another awkward pause as neither Kenshin nor I responded past a short nod of acknowledgement. I felt like a reflection of my friend, redoubling my efforts to match him move for move. Hoping that this would help in what I _thought_ Katsura was doing.

A flicker of discomfort flashed in Okubo's eyes. His mouth set in an irritated line. I hoped that whatever Katsura had planned was good, because otherwise pissing off Okubo-san seemed like a really stupid idea at the moment. For that matter, I really hoped that Katsura _had_ a plan, and I wasn't just seeing what I wanted again. Now was not the time to try to mentally _will_ Katsura to help us.

The Satsuma man continued softly, "It will soon be morning. I trust you will excuse my hurry. If possible, I would like to return to my base before daybreak. I'm sure you understand."

We both nodded again.

"Good." He sighed, his gaze lighting upon both of us one last time, and finally turned to Kenshin.

"I have a dead compatriot. Why?"

Well, the man certainly didn't dick around.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something flash in Katsura's eyes for a moment. But before I even had time to ponder it, Kenshin was speaking in his quiet voice. Likely about to condemn himself to save me. He wouldn't lie. I suspected that Kenshin _didn't_ lie, except, apparently, to me. He would just abridge the truth a bit. Which details would he omit? My abandonment of Toriyama, surely. Possibly even Toriyama's betrayal, since the man was no longer a threat. And the accusation could be offensive to Satsuma. Especially without proof.

"We were ambushed," he replied softly. "Both the third and the first units attacked us. Toriyama-san was removed from the fighting, but in order to keep both units away from him, it was necessary for both of us to fight, even though I had been pulled back to defense."

I swear for a second, Katsura nearly choked on his tea. The look he shot me was almost humorous. A cross between "What the hell?" and "You're an idiot". I'd forgotten that no one actually knew what had happened. Of course, Katsura would have had a different story in his head.

Kenshin had to have noticed as well, but tactfully didn't respond. He just paused for a thoughtful moment, finally adding. "I believe Saito killed Toriyama-san. After we fought, he disappeared."

"Was Saito the one who gave you those wounds?" Okubo motioned to his bandages.

Kenshin hesitated a moment. "Most of them."

"And the others?"

"Older. Reopened during the fight." Was I the only one who noticed the haunted tone to his voice at those words?

Okubo just nodded. "Fair enough." He turned to look at me. "And you?"

"It's as he said. We were ambushed. I had been sent to protect them, but I was pulled from lead when Okita wounded me. Saito was already gone by that point in time." I looked Okubo straight in the eye. "We were betrayed."

Okubo didn't appear surprised, taking a sip of his tea. "Yes," he replied shortly. "Toriyama-san has been feeding information to the Bakufu for months. Perhaps longer. Mostly lies that we fed him, but it was time to eliminate him. That's why he was sent to you in the first place. We expected that _someone_ would take care of the problem."

 _What the hell?_ The bastards already _knew_ it? And they sent us with him anyway. _Hoping_ we'd be ambushed. Or at very least hoping that Kenshin would lose his mind and do the job for them.

Kenshin must have realized it as well. He tensed, his hand balling into a tight fist, probably to keep him from grabbing the wakizashi.

 _Down, boy._ But I knew the feeling. If I'd had my katana with me, I'd be doing the same thing. _Bastards_.

Okubo's expression was dark and unreadable. "What I would like to know is why Saito _got_ to Toriyama. Your job was to protect him. If Saito was missing, why did you leave your charge?"

I gritted my teeth. _Why the hell does it matter, if you wanted him dead, anyway? Just congratulate us and let us go to bed._

"That would have been _my_ responsibility," I replied, tersely. "Toriyama admitted his guilt to me. That it was a trade-off. A life for a life." I struggled to keep my voice level. "I chose to protect my comrade instead."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Kenshin glance in my direction, his mask still firmly in place, but a strange look in his eyes.

"When I got back to the fight, both units were called off. We returned to Toriyama only to find him dead. It was my fault. I-"

"That isn't completely true," Kenshin cut in, surprising me. Especially since it wasn't the flat voice of Battousai that I heard, but the concerned voice of my friend. "I was just as guilty. I've never run defense before. I'm used to taking the lead and attacking to protect those who need to run. I should never have left Toriyama alone in the first place."

Katsura set his cup down with a loud click and sent a glare at both of us. We fell silent immediately. I was momentarily reminded of a father watching two children bickering over who started a fight. Only this time, I'd rather take the beating…

Okubo looked almost amused, mildly commenting, "Katsura-san, I don't believe I have ever seen, before this, two soldiers fighting to take the blame."

Our leader's expression was exasperated to say the least. "Nor have I. They've said their piece, perhaps it would be best if they left for the time being." Another harsh glare in our direction. If we lived through this, we were going to catch it later. I was already anticipating extra guard duty.

Okubo shook his head. "There is no need. I've already made my decision."

I tensed.

He sent us each a long, assessing look. Finally, he turned to Katsura and spoke. "The traitor has been dealt with, which was our primary concern to begin with. We will keep watch over this area to be sure that your location has not been compromised by Toriyama-san. If we hear of anything, we will let you know. As for these two…" He motioned vaguely in our direction. "…They have saved us the mess of dealing with all of this ourselves. I prefer it that way. If there are any questions, I will inform my men that it was a failed run. The Shinsengumi ambushed these two, and they, themselves, barely made it out alive. That is all anyone need know."

Katsura nodded, his sharp eyes meeting Okubo's. "And hitokiri Battousai?"

I stared at our leader, surprised that they were discussing this openly in front of us.

Okubo was silent for a long moment, looking back at us. Studying each of us. Finally, he spoke. "As far as I'm concerned, Katsura-san, the only hitokiri we have any need to watch is this Shishio of yours. As for Himura Battousai…" He looked amused again. "…I have never known of an assassin to have no less than four different soldiers respectfully approach me to defend him before I even make it to your room, Katsura-san. Only to have another try to protect him once I'm inside."

_They defended him after all. Yuasa… it had to be…_

He smiled faintly. "Also, I don't believe that an unbridled killer would remain loyal to his comrade here. Loyalty is one of our primary concerns. I will be sure to let Satsuma know that there no longer _is_ a hitokiri Battousai in Choshu. Only a free sword named Himura."

Katsura nodded. "Thank you, Okubo-san." He looked to us. "You both are relieved of duty. Go rest. I'll expect a full report from both of you in the morning."

We both bowed, and turned to leave.

I was out the door first, Kenshin close behind. But before he could leave the room, Okubo spoke once more, and we both turned. The Satsuma man's eyes focused directly on Kenshin, a faint smile on his lips. "Perhaps we will meet again, Himura-san."

He'd known… probably all along. Just as he'd known about their traitor. It had all been a test for hitokiri Battousai. One that even Katsura was apparently privy to. Toriyama's death had just been a bonus for them. As Okubo had said… one less mess for them to clean up.

We left the room in silence, sliding the door shut behind us. It was done. I was relieved, but a small, though admittedly stupid, part of me was a little sad. In this one night I'd seen more of Kenshin than I had since he'd come here. What would happen now that we didn't have the threat of death looming over us? Was it back to the distanced, cold mask? Even for me?

Maybe the short time we'd had talking was all I was going to get. I knew I should be grateful to have managed that much. I doubted many of the others had made it much further…

I was so intent on watching him, I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, and I misstepped on my bad leg, stumbling, and barely catching myself.

Kenshin was at my side in a heartbeat. "Are you all right, Ushiro-san?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I'll live," I managed to grunt through the pain. My stupid misstep had wrenched my brace apart.

_Great._

"Can I help?" he asked softly.

I managed a tired grin. "You could carry me."

He stared at me a moment, as though trying to decide if I were serious or not. Finally, he sighed. "Just lean against me, and I'll get you to your room."

I laughed. "I'll return the favor one day when you come home drunk, okay?"

His eyebrow twitched. "Shut-up, Ushiro-san," he muttered, bracing me as we started walking again.

I bit back the temptation to bait him some more. He looked as tired and irritable as I was. And _he_ was still armed.

I smiled to myself.

But it was good to know that I could still piss him off. As long as he could still feel _something_ , maybe he'd be all right after all.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Well... we finally reached the climax. A big thank you to lolo popoki, Shirou Shinjin, and sueb262 for their beta work. And another thank you to lolo for letting me use Yuasa (again). And, of course, a big thank you to everyone here for reading and reviewing this fic thus far. I really hope this chapter was what you were hoping for!
> 
> Dewa mata!
> 
> Sirius

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: First of all, a great big thanks to lolo popoki, sueb262 and FrostPhoenix for beta-ing this chapter! It's greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! Please review!
> 
> Dewa mata!


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